Today is the day!

I've been waiting for today ever since I first found out I was pregant! We get to find out the sex of our baby!! I'm seriously SO excited!!! I can't wait to see him or her and finally be able to start planning accordingly. I was telling my mom this morning that it feels like I'm kinda going to be meeting our baby for the first time. I know we got to see him/her at 8 weeks, but today it's different for some reason. I don't know...maybe cause I'm further along or maybe cause we'll see more detail in the sonogram...I don't know, all I do know is that I'm just about half way (20 weeks on Friday) and I'm just so excited!! :)

As for names, we have one that we like for a boy but nothing picked out for a girl. I have such a strong feeling that we're having a boy, but who knows. Last night I had my third dream that it was a girl so whatever God blesses us with I will just be thankful!

Here is my most recent belly picture...this was taken at 18 weeks:

I'm definitely looking pregnant these days. It's getting harder and harder to sleep comfortably and put my socks on in the morning. :) From what I hear though, I'm in the "fun" pregnant stage. Where I'm not too big to be horribly uncomfortable, but at least I'm showing now and people know that I'm pregnant rather than just really full from lunch. :)

I'm still waiting to feel this little baby moving around! They say anytime now so sometimes I just lay on the bed and lightly push on my tummy to see if he/she will kick me. I'm wanting the kicks now...but I know that in a few months I'll be wanting the baby to stop it's kicking!! :)

Well, I'm drinking my water (which suppodesly makes things easier to see in the sonogram) and counting down the minutes until I get to leave. Yeah!! So soon... I can't wait to see this little baby growing inside of me that I already love so much!!! I'll post the sonogram pictures tomorrow......

17 weeks. 3 days.

Our baby is the size of a turnip this week.....

One of my favorite things has been getting the weekly updates every Friday as I "up" a week in my pregnancy. I love reading about the growth of our baby and what's new and changing. It's just incredible knowing how much they grow in such a short amount of time. If we continued growing at that pace, we'd all be monsters!! :)

I'm feeling pretty good these days. Definitely more energy than the first trimester. I feel like my belly just popped in the last week or so. You can tell I'm pregnant now which is a fun feeling! :) It's fun having all the high schoolers come up and talk to the baby and feel my stomach. Kinda weird at first, but now since there's actually something there to feel, it's kinda fun.

I've been hunting on craigslist for all the big ticket items that we're going to need. I found a great deal on a stroller this past weekend and picked it up on Friday afternoon. We got it for $125. Here's the one that we got:

I just love it. I set it up right when we got home and just get excited everytime I see it. :) I love thinking that I'll get to look at our baby's face when I'm pushing him/her. It's the first purchase so it just makes it feel more and more real.

Our second sonogram is schedule for two weeks from today. Actually two weeks from right now I'll be leaving to go to it!! Yippee!! Monday, November 23rd at 4 pm. I seriously can't wait to find out what we're having. I'm so convinced that it's a boy, but who knows. I guess it will just make it feel like I can start connecting even more with the baby after I find out. I honestly don't know how people do it by waiting until the end to find out. I can see how it'd be super exciting after the birth happens to find out, but I think it's just as exciting to find out now!! Then we can plan accordingly and get everything ready.

We had a bunch of friends over Friday night to cookout and have a bonfire outside and while all the guys sat out by the fire on our patio, us girls stayed inside and talked about babies the whole time! It's so fun that I actually feel apart of these conversations. For so long I was always the one on the outside of the "married" or "baby" talk when so many of my friends got married and pregnant before me, but finally I've caught up and I have things to contribute. I love it! :) I've been blessed so much with great friends here in Wichita. I'm so thankful for the girls that God's brought into my life and the friendships that I've developed over the last year. He's definitely answered that prayer!!

Well, Pete and I and some students are heading to Kansas City tonight for a spur of the moment trip to see the Desperation Tour. I'm kinda tired, but I figure I have to take these opportunities while I can considering in a few months we won't be able to do this. It should be fun and a great time I'm sure. I'll be taking some more preggo pics soon to keep track of my growing belly..... :)

My pregnancy so far.

I'm 13 weeks and 4 days into my pregnancy so far. Here's my little baby bump so far.

According to babycenter.com, he/she’s the size of a medium shrimp this week! J

It's still little but I’m definitely starting to feel my pants get a little snugger and fit a bit more tighter. In the mornings I feel fine and can fit into my clothes just fine, but after dinner, I don’t know what it is, but I tell Pete that I feel like someone has just blown air into my stomach…like a balloon. It’s not very comfortable and I can’t really sit or lay comfortably at all. I can only imagine that it’s going to get worse as my tummy grows. Luckily during my first trimester I didn’t have much morning sickness. The only thing was that I just felt really, really tired all the time. I didn’t feel like cooking, cleaning, taking Wrigley for a walk or anything. All I wanted was to lay around and be lazy. Now that I’m somewhat out of that first trimester, I’m definitely feeling better. I had a few bouts of nausea but again, not anything like I’ve heard some of my friends say where they are throwing up all the time. I always said it would take a lot to get me to follow through with the upset tummy and actually throw up. Thank the Lord I didn’t have it that bad!

I’ve had two doctors appointments and a sonogram appointment so far. The first doctor’s appointment was at about 8 ½ weeks and I was really nervous for that one. At that point, I knew I was pregnant, but I just wanted the doctor to confirm it. J Other than the two pregnancy tests and the way I was feeling, that’s all I had to go on just trusting that I really had a baby growing inside me. Once I went to the sonogram, that’s when it really became real to me. Pete came with me and I definitely cried when I saw our baby for the first time. Here are the shots that we got from that appointment:

It was such a surreal thing when I saw our baby moving around in my stomach! Even though it wasn’t super clear, you can definitely tell it has the form of a human being. I don’t know how anyone could ever say that it isn’t a life!! I just keep thanking God and am just blown away by His willingness to trust Pete and I to raise this little child up. What an honor!!

I’ve been praying so much for our little babe. Not only the forming process, but that God would just raise him/her up to do great things for the Kingdom. I’ve also been praying that God would just prepare Pete and I to be parents. That He would soften Pete’s heart towards being a dad and that when he holds our little baby in his arms for the very first time, that God would completely FLOOD his heart with love and compassion for our child. There is not a question in my mind as to whether Pete will be a good dad. He is going to do an incredible job leading our family and I just want to continue to learn how to affirm this in him. There’s not another man in the world that I would want to partner in this parenting thing with. I am beyond blessed to have him!!

As for what I’m feeling so far, I think there’s a part of me that’s scared for those first couple weeks. The weeks where all of a sudden we are responsible for this little life that is 100% fully dependent on us for his/her life. I’m scared that I’ll be a good mom and that I’ll make the right decisions with discipline. I’m scared that our kids will rebel when they get older and we’ll not know the best way to raise them to love the Lord wholeheartedly. The more I think about it, the more I realize how much parenting has an effect on who a person becomes and the way their life turns out. My hope and prayer is just that God would enable Pete and I to be the best possible parents that we can be and He would show us the wisdom that we need to parent right and lead our family to a close relationship with God. Aside from being a little scared, I’m just the opposite as well…so excited I can’t even contain myself! J There are moments when I just long to hold my baby and I can’t wait to rock them to sleep and stare at his/her face just knowing that that child represents Pete and I’s love for each other and that they are a part of who we are. I can’t wait till our baby says “Mommy” and “Daddy” and just runs up and throws their arms around our legs, I can’t wait for that little smile and to see Pete fall asleep with the baby on his chest.

The next year is going to bring so many changes and new adventures, just as this past year did. I want to be more consistent about blogging and writing out my pregnancy thoughts so I can read back on this process and see how God works. It’s going to go fast and I don’t want to forget any part of this amazing life forming process!!

A recent lesson learned

About a week ago, our superintendent pulled our staff into a brief stand up meeting to announce to us recent news about the sale of our office building. Our building has been for sale ever since I started working here and so I knew they were anxious to get it sold. We have one full price offer but with a contingency that their building sells first. This was the second offer. The building is for sale for $595,000. He proceeds to tell us that he had a lady offer him $425,000. He talked with the other executives about it and they said go ahead and start the bidding back and forth. Right before he was about to make the phone call, there wasn't a peace in his heart, so he declined the offer completely and said we were going to stay at our asking price, despite the thoughts of our realtor. The lady comes back and offers $525. Again, he declines and is trusting God that we will get full price for the building. The lady comes back again offering $595...full price. Done.

When I heard that it was a really cool story but it wasn't until later this week that God used that to really teach me a lesson. If Pastor Terry would have gone forward with the bidding and listened only to the advice of the realtor and the executives, but didn't listen to what God was saying, we would still probably have sold the building, but have gotten much less for it than what we desired. He heard God's voice and listened and obeyed and because of that, there was a blessing on the other side. I know that he has prayed about the sale of our building for a long time as well as our staff praying for it. When the decision finally had to be made, God spoke and Pastor Terry obeyed.

There's a situation in my life right now where I think I was in a similar situation. One thing was ending and I had a decision to make about what to do next. Now, I feel like I have a good relationship with God. Yes, I have much to work on and so much further to go, but I actively seek God out and am in the Word on a consistent basis and pray often. I guess I've had the mindset that if I am doing those things, when it comes time to make decisions, I can pray about it and just go with what decision I feel is right. I suppose this is where I have been mislead in my thoughts. I don't pray enough about the specific decisions. I just continue to seek God the way I have been and trust that my decision will be in His will because I have been seeking Him. If Pastor Terry hadn't have been praying so hard about this decision, he could have easily thought, this lady is wanting to buy our building, it must be from God, we're in a recession so I have to accept what is offered. But he didn't. He sought out God's voice and even though it seemed crazy, he listened and obeyed. This particular situation I'm thinking of in my life, I feel like I did the opposite. One thing ended and another thing came up just at the right time and so I just assumed it was from God so I went with it, without much prayer or thought. I'm now realizing that there might have been something better out there for me and I missed it because I didn't seek God in the way that He wanted me to.

So now what?? That's the question I've been pondering this week as I think about what this means for my life. Am I not in God's will with this area?? I don't know. I guess I've come to the conclusion that I made my decision, and even though it might not have been the best one that God had for me, my decision has been made and there's nothing I can do about it now. Now, it's all about my attitude in dealing with it and being content.

So overall, the lesson I learned was a big one that I will definitely be applying in the future. For any decision I have to make, I need to make sure I am asked God what HE desires...not just trusting that my consistent quiet times will give me an easy in to what my decision needs to be. Ever since I've gotten married, God's been using Pete to show me how I need to hear God's voice more and seek Him out through prayer more. I'm thankful for where God has me and am going to change because of what He's doing in my life today. Thank you Jesus!!

Yet another new chapter

I'm onto yet another new chapter in life. My nanny job was short lived being that Wendy got laid off at work which in turn, means that I got laid off. It was perfect timing though cause I already had another job lined up even before I was finished there. I had a week off and then started about 2 1/2 months ago at the Kansas District Office of Assemblies of God. As I thought about the job, it excited me to get back into what I was so familiar with...office work. The people have been wonderful and I have really enjoyed so far getting to know the whole "denomination" thing. I knew nothing about the AG denomination so it's definitely been a learning process. I will say that it's cool seeing all the different churches come together. That's definitely a different thing that Christ Community didn't have. We functioned within ourselves and not a ton with other churches. It's different that what I'm used to but it's neat.

We had to read these two books for our staff meeting tomorrow...one called "Now, Discover Your Strengths" and the other called "Wild Goose Chase". I really enjoyed each of them and they made me think a lot. I really believe that if people are working within their giftings than they will be happy and "successful". According to the online test, my giftings are maximizer, communication, includer, connectedness and harmony (www.strengthsfinder.com). They seem to be mostly right on. My heart and passion is still with students though. I find myself feeling the most "satisfied" when I'm working with middle and high school students. They are just right at that age when they are getting it and they (for the most part) want to hear any truth spoken into their lives. We have a great group of students at Asbury and now that we've been there about a year, I'm really developing some good relationships with the kids there.

Summer has been fun so far. Last weekend we went up to the lake with Lance & Hollie, Jason & Becca and Brie & Ryan. I love doing couples things and am so thankful for the friends that God has given me here. That was a prayer I had prayed before I left and the Lord has just totally answered it. I still miss my friends from home so much though. Leslie and Jerusalem were supposed to come this weekend but now aren't able to. I was so excited to have them come see my new world and show them the oh so exciting...Wichita (sense my sarcasm??). But really, Kansas isn't a place that people often, or rarely ever, vacation to so I was so happy to get to see them and spend the weekend with them. Hopefully it will work out sometime soon I suppose.

Pete's at middle school camp this week so it's me and Wrigley at home. Last night I let him sleep with me and I just love when he cuddles up to me. He gets as close as he can possibly get to me when he sleeps at night. It's often a pain and wakes me up, but I love cuddling with him. :) He's not as good as cuddling with my husband, but he will have to do while Pete's gone. We head to SEMP in two weeks with 9 students. I'm so excited to get into Chicago and show the students where I went to school and all around the city. I do miss the city life so much! Wichita just isn't cutting it for long term. It seems that people who live here have lived her their whole lives and I can see why. It's the type of home town "city" that feels country. There are lots of old people who have never lived anywhere else. As much as I am enjoying my life right now, I am pretty sure that we won't be here forever.

On a different note, we're now trying to have a baby! It's been about 1 1/2 months since I've been off birth control and it's just a waiting game now. It's exciting and I just keep praying that God would bring us a baby at the right time. I'm so ready to be a mom. I've wanted this since I was 13. It's hard to believe that it's a possibility finally. God is good!

Well, that's the update. It's been awhile but things are still going well. God's stretching us and challenging us and encouraging us now more than ever as we are 9 months into our first year of marriage. I can't imagine being anywhere else and am loving the adventure of Kansas living!!! :)

My Grandpa

My Grandpa has always been one of those people who loves to joke around with you. I remember growing up when him and my Grandma would come and visit our home in Batavia, we would just be hanging out around the house and I would walk into a room and all of a sudden he would be there trying to scare us. The little sounds he would make to just get us to jump would of course scare us half to death and we would scream and he would just laugh and laugh, knowing he was successful in his plot. This would happen many times over whenever we would see him. He would even try and scare the animals. He would take his cane and bat it at them to get a rise out of our cat or dog and once again, when he was successful...just laugh and laugh. :) Another memory I have of my grandpa is that he was always apart of the clean plate club. I guess living in Africa for 30 years will do that to you and teach you to eat what's in front of you, but there were times that we would be sitting at the kitchen table finishing dinner and grandpa would literally be taking his fork and scraping every little last crumb off his plate and eating it. He was not wasteful and always I'm sure made my mom feel like she had made the greatest meal he had ever eaten. :)

When I think about my grandpa, I think of a servant. His soft sweet heart was always willing to give of himself to help others. Him and my Grandma would come and visit and Grandpa would always have to have a project to work on or something to help my family with. Just recently I remember my mom calling and telling me that he wasn't doing very well and she would keep me updated. So the next time I talked to my mom I asked her how Grandpa was doing and my mom laughed and said, "He's doing just fine....he was up at the table peeling carrots." :) That picture is what my Grandpa was about. He lived for Jesus and for others. That is so clearly seen by the way that he gave up the comforts of American living to live in Africa for 30 years to tell those people about God's love for them. He lived to give his life so that others may know Jesus in a better way...whether through his words or his actions.

Out of all of my memories of my Grandpa, I think the one that I will hold onto forever will be one that happened about 3 years ago. We were up in Michigan just all sitting around talking in the living room and it was my brother in law's first time meeting all the family. My Grandma was asking him a ton of questions and when my Grandpa got in a few words, all he could talk about was how loving and serving Jesus was the thing that was most important that we could ever do. He started to cry, and I remember watching him and thinking, "God make me that passionate for you. When I am 90 years old, I want to be as in love with you as my Grandpa is." My Grandpa loved Jesus and if you knew him, you knew that. His heart was for Jesus and I have never known anyone who was more ready to be welcomed into Heaven by the one that he had given his life to serving and loving.

I believe my Grandpa lived this long because God was answering a prayer I had prayed for many many years, without him even knowing it. I had been praying since I was a teenager that my Grandparents would be alive when the day came that I got married. I wanted them to be in the front row on the day that I walked the aisle to my husband. Maybe it was a selfish prayer, but I remember a few years ago when he would not be doing good, I would tell my mom that I knew he wasn't going to die because God was going to keep them around for my wedding. I fully believed that and it was a prayer that God answered. 6 1/2 months ago, I got married to the man God made for me and my Grandparents were both there, sitting in the front row, watching me walk down the aisle. Not only were they there, but our wedding day was September 20th, the same day 67 years ago that my Grandma walked down the aisle to my Grandpa. Pete and I share an anniversary with my Grandparents and there is no greater honor
that I would rather have. If we can leave a legacy to any amount that my Grandpa has led our family to, I know that God will be pleased. I love my Grandpa and him and my Grandma will always be my role models and my heroes. He has set the bar high and I fully intend to pursue after Jesus the way that he did.

Exodus

Exodus 4:10-12 (New International Version)

¹⁰ Moses said to the LORD, "O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue."

¹¹ The LORD said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD ? ¹² Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say."

¹³ But Moses said, "O Lord, please send someone else to do it."

¹⁴ Then the LORD's anger burned against Moses and he said, "What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he can speak well. He is already on his way to meet you, and his heart will be glad when he sees you. ¹⁵ You shall speak to him and put words in his mouth; I will help both of you speak and will teach you what to do.

These verses have been the center of my thoughts the past couple weeks. I read them awhile ago and remember thinking how amazing it is that when God called Moses to lead the Israelites out of Egypt, He provided everything that he would need to do it. My thought was that when God calls you to something, He will always give you the means to do it. I've know that thought process for some time now but in reading through the story of Moses and the Israelites for the past few weeks it has really sunk in and that aspect of God's character has really come alive to me through Scripture.

I've read this story many times before but this time it's different. Those verses show how Moses thought he was completely not equipped for what God was calling him to. He questioned God and God was angry with him for even questioning him! How many times does God call me to something and I question him and his purpose? Seriously. Way too often. Even the little things. I far too often hesitate. But I love how God says that he will help him and show him what to say. When God calls us to something, he will never abandon us and leave us to do it on our own. He goes with us and teaches us how he wants it done.

As the story continues, Moses goes to Pharaoh 10 times asking for him to release the Israelites to him. This is no small request. There were 600,000 MEN (not including women and children!!!). This is a TOOONNN of people to move from one place to another. I can't even imagine what they were accomplishing for Pharaoh and what it meant to lose them. But God had a plan. After 10 plagues and Pharaoh's extremely hard heart, he says okay. Moses heads them up and leads them to a better life.

Once they were on their way, God just continues to provide for them so that they may get to the promised blessing of a new land. They come to the Red Sea and God spreads it apart so all 1,000,000+ of them can walk through. There seemed to be barriers and hardships in the middle of their journey, but once again, God promised He would teach them and show them how to go and He did. They get through the Red Sea and are walking through the desert and begin to complain. Having been in Israel, I know that it is hot and dry and I can imagine why they would complain about being miserable. Dehydration is no fun. However, they forgot where they came from and even thought it was better off in Egypt where they had food and water. They forgot where God was taking them and began to wish they were somewhere else. However, STILL God provides. He hears their complaints and sends manna in the mornings and quail in the evenings. Wow. Once again, God provided for them on their way to where they were going. They wanted water...and Moses struck a rock and fresh drinking water comes out. God's presence never left them...a cloud by day and a fire by night. They were surrounded and protected as they continued to the place God was calling them.

This morning I read in chapter 17 about the battle between the Amalekites and the Israelites. The Amalekites came to fight them and Joshua led the battle. Moses went up onto a mountain and stood at the top with the staff that God had given him and as long as his staff was raised toward heaven, the Israelites were winning the battle. If he lowered his staff, they were losing. It even says how they had to put a rock under his arms because they got tired but Moses continued to raise his hands. The Israelites won the battle and I just love verses 15-16:
¹⁵ Moses built an altar and called it The LORD is my Banner. ¹⁶ He said, "For hands were lifted up to the throne of the LORD."
"The LORD is my Banner"...I've heard that phrase before but never really understood where it came from. I just love that Moses had to physically lift his hands up and that God responded with victory. It made me think about when we lift our hands in worship. We are saying, God give us victory! You are worthy to be praised!! God was with them through it all and knew the purpose that He had for them.

As I just thought through this whole story and all that God has been revealing to me lately through it, I'm just so thankful for a God who is constant and steadfast. I praised God the whole way to work this morning as I reflected on His character and how he revealed himself to Moses. What a joy to know that when God calls us to something, He leads the way. It may not be as big as leading 1,000,000 people through a desert, through a sea and into a new land, but whatever it is....He's the same God who desires to help us and teach us what to do.

sick...ugh

I'm laying in bed right now where I've been all day and will be all day tomorrow. I'm sicker than I've been in a long time and it sucks!! I tried toughing it out and working yesterday but I was absolutely miserable. The Spader girls were brought up to be tough girls who could take it and push through but today, I had enough. My body was screaming at me to stop and let it get better so I did just that. I hate having to put Mike and Wendy in that position of having to find a sitter last minute for Olivia and Will but I was absolutely worthless to them yesterday. My head pounded when I walked or even moved and my throat felt like I was swallowing swords. I gave in and went to the doctor today, something I haven't done in a LONG time. He put me on some antibiotics which will hopefully help me feel better.

So here I am...Wrigley and I are just chillin on the bed as I just finished watching my third chick flick for the day. He's been good today which is nice. I have mostly just ignored him and he's not been as crazy hyper as he usually is. I don't know how mom's do this when they have their own kids to take care of. I was struggling yesterday and am so thankful for a quiet house all day today. Pete came home around 3 to check on me which was really nice of him. I hate being sick but I love being taken care of by him. He's wonderful!

i'm on a roll....

So life has just been cruisin right along. We're finally in the swing of things here in Wichita and I'm feeling like I'm finding my place here. I'm enjoying my job (nannying) and growing to love Will and Olivia more and more each day. They bring me so much joy! I've got a great group of girlfriends that I meet with every Tuesday night. It's a "relaxed" Bible study in that sometimes we just talk and sometimes we do a study. We're starting "The Power of a Praying Wife" next and I'm really excited. I prayed for good girlfriends and the Lord has blessed me with them!

I've taken up a new hobby...cooking. I seriously love it! However, it's always a struggle to figure out what to cook because Pete is so picky and allergic to alot. Once I know what I'm making, I really enjoy putting it all together and making a nice meal. I just need to try and find really healthy, but good dishes.

It seems like everyone around here is having babies...or trying to at least. We talked last night for probably an hour about kids and getting pregnant and the life change that happens once you do. Between that, and nannying and being around "kid" things all the time, I'm not going to lie, it's putting a little bug in me. I want to say that I still want another year or two by ourselves, but I am now thinking I don't want to wait that long. I know life is going to change and I want to be ready for it when it comes so I don't want to rush anything...but it's like a dream of mine is finally able to become a reality at any time now. I'm just praying that God would put Pete and I on the same page and at the right time, we would get pregnant.

Anyways, Olivia didn't nap today and is now calling my name. I'm going to try and update more frequently....

so here i am

So here I sit, at the table of the Letter family. Watching A Goofy Movie and feeding Olivia and Will, the two kids I nanny for. I never thought I would be a nanny when I moved here. I guess I was just getting desperate for work and a job that paid well enough to help with our mortgage and bills. And so here I am. It's been a challenge and I have grown to love these two little kids. Seeing William just light up when I walk in to get him up in the morning or hearing Olivia say "I love you sooooo much Julie" just gives me great joy. They are sweet, sweet kids and I know that God has me here for a reason. I've been able to have some good conversations I suppose with Mike and Wendy, but my prayer this year is that I would have a clear chance to share the gospel with them. They are older parents and have lived their fair share of life. And now they have two young kids which I hope makes them think about life more deeply and they start to question things....for their kids sake.

I don't see myself here forever. I would still love to get back into some type of full time ministry. I often think about the job that I really wanted but didn't get - the one at Youth Horizons. That place seemed perfect for me and I think I would have really enjoyed it. I guess that's not what God wanted for me in this stage though. I have learned so much about kids being with Olivia and Will. I think it's God's way of preparing me for the next stage of life - kids of my own. Pete and I had a discussion the other night about what that's going to look like for our family. I didn't want to bring it up because of what he's told me before so it was him that started the conversation. I'll be honest and say that it kinda scares me. I've wanted my own kids my entire life. I remember for my 13th birthday wanting this doll so stinking bad because I wanted it to be my own baby to take care of. I worked in the babies at church and was so excited to take care of Christy when she was born. I remember being jealous when my best friend in 7th grade her mom had a baby. Then two years ago on Mother's Day I was just so ready to have kids of my own to take care of. There is just something about being a mom that attracts me, but at the same time is so scary. The fact that it could be real within the next few years is a new reality that I have to get used to. Which is why I really believe that God's preparing me by putting me in this home for my own family. I know that ministry will look different for me with kids, but I'm excited for that. I still want (and need) to be involved and do the ministry with Pete. That's one of my favorite things about being married and I don't want that to change when we have a family. God has called me to youth ministry and doing it with my husband is something I've always longed for and now am finally able to do! It's so much fun!!

Anyways, the kiddos are onto dessert so it's about time to start cleaning up and transitioning to the next thing....bottle and nap for William and learning activity then nap for Olivia. God's good and I trust that he'll make our family bigger when He knows we're ready for it.