Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Closin' in on the end.

Well, I'm 2 1/2 weeks out from my due date. 2 1/2 weeks until we get to meet our little girl and I couldn't be more ready. Not just because I'm so uncomfortable or because she's pushing so hard on my stomach I feel like she's going to pop through or because I can't sleep at night or because I have to pee every hour (at least!).....but more so because I can't wait for the moment where I see her face for the very first time and when our eyes look at each other and I see the little girl that has been growing inside of me for the last 9 1/2 months of my life. It's such a surreal experience and it's hard for me to sometimes believe that it's real. Any day now....any day now.

Here's a picture of me at 35 1/2 weeks pregnant. She hadn't dropped at this point but I definitely feel like she's a lot lower now. I need to have Pete take an updated picture this week.

I've definitely been "nesting" the last week or so. Our nursery is all set and I just need a couple more things before I feel completely ready. We did the painting of the verses on the wall on Sunday and I think it looks great. Pete being the perfectionist that he is when it comes to painting, doesn't think it looks great, but I disagree. I love it and will love being reminded of the promises from God's Word when I rock our girl. Here is the final outcome:

The two verses that I chose were from the baby book that I have...both from Isaiah 43.

"I have called you by name; you are mine." ~Isaiah 43:1
"You are precious to me and I love you." ~Isaiah 43:4

I love that they came from Isaiah 43 because that's the same chapter that God used to confirm to me that I was to marry Pete. I love it when God does little things like that!! My life verse that God gave me for our little girl is from 1 Samuel 1:27-28, "I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD." And he worshiped the LORD there." (except I change the "him's" to "her's" :)

So being that our girl is full term as of last Friday....all I have to say to her is COME BABY COME!! :) Bring on the labor pains and the aching and hurt and contractions....I'm ready for you!!!!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

ooooohhhh :(

I killed a squirrel yesterday on my way to church. So sad!! I almost started crying in the car as I looked in my rear view mirror and saw the little guy wiggling in the middle of the road.... (what? i'm pregnant and hormonal!!) :) I'm not a huge fan of squirrels but it's still sad to know that I killed one!!!

In tribute to my little dead squirrel friend....

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

My role??

I'm getting anxious for summer to get here. While I'm definitely thankful for the warmer weather in Wichita, I'm ready to have it be warm and stay warm. Wichita weather is sooooo strange....

Seriously....60's tomorrow and then a 30's and SNOW on Saturday?? What? I just don't understand. I guess I just have to endure the Saturday weather and get through it to get back to the 50/60's next week. :)
This weekend is the high school spring retreat. My role looks much different this time around being that I'm 36 weeks pregnant and can't stay on my feet for very long and get winded walking from one end of the room to the other. :) I think I'll go with them Friday night and come back and sleep at home and then go back again sometime on Saturday. I will miss being there the whole weekend and seeing what God has in store for this time away. Fall retreat was definitely a turning point for our ministry so I'm hoping that spring retreat is just a follow up for that.

I miss doing youth ministry full time. In an ideal world, I would be able to stay home with our baby and meet with girls in the afternoon and go in and help Pete with whatever needed to be done that week. I soooooo miss doing that. I was really challenged with what my role was and spent a lot of time thinking about it the past couple weeks. When I was at home and working full time at CCC, I had time to do a lot of discipling. Between HouseGroups and having the freedom in the afternoons to leave work or have girls come meet at church, or even hang with them at night or on the weekends, I was able to spend a lot more time investing in the relationships that I had built. At my wedding in this picture, each one of these students I had personally spent time with and invested in:

Youth ministry and discipleship was my life. I loved it!! Ministry looks sooooooo different now that I'm married and having a baby and not doing it full time. It's been a hard transition because I don't feel like I'm doing what I'm good at. As well as struggling with not having connected with the girls here to the extent that I really want to. I would love to have a group like this here in Wichita, but as I've been processing this the last couple weeks, I'm realizing that my role here looks really different.

In my small group we've been reading the book "Velvet Elvis" by Rob Bell and last week I was really challenged. He was talking about having to kill the "Superpastor" in you and I totally related with that. Putting to death the demands of what others (or yourself) feel like you have to be to be a good spiritual leader. I feel like there's part of me that has to be here what I was back home. The "superdiscipler" if that makes any sense. Involved in everything and the leader who connects with all the girls and has invested time and energy into their spiritual walk. If they are struggling, it's my responsibility to talk with them and point them in the right direction. And right now, I physically can't do that for all the girls. My responsibilities now are my husband and now my baby girl and theeeennnn the girls in the ministry. Allowing my mind to recognize this has been difficult and caused me to feel like I'm failing. I've been recently asking God to show me what HE wants my role to be and what that looks like. Even with this spring retreat coming up this weekend, it's really hard for me not to be there and be apart of everything. I feel like I'm missing out and not being there fully for the girls. But again....I just can't do it all and I know if I did all that I wanted to, I would wear myself out physically and I just can't afford to do that to my body at this point in the pregnancy. I have to take it easy.

Anyways, just some things that have been running through my mind lately. You'd think I would have figured it out sooner being that I've almost lived in Wichita for 2 years (in August) but it's been a process. And it will continue to be a process. I'm trusting God to provide and work out the details for what this next stage of life will look like. It's going to be completely new and nothing like I've never experienced before. It scares me to death, but I'm so ready and so excited for it!!!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Six weeks to go...

I can't believe that I only have six weeks to go until my due date. It has gone by so incredibly fast!! Before I know it our little girl will be here and we'll be adjusting to the new "normal" that comes with having kids. I can't wait! The closer it gets, the more and more excited I get to look her in the eyes and just stare at her. Pregnancy is already an incredible miracle in itself, but I just feel like it will intensify when I physically hold my little girl in my arms and we look each other in the eyes for the very first time. My heart already loves her so much and I just can't wait to meet this little bundle of joy that's been rolling around inside me for the past 8 months! We do have a name picked out...but we're keeping it a secret until after she's born. :) I am always so curious when other people do this but this time, I'm the one that knows so it's much more fun haha. I think it just makes the birth more exciting!!

When people ask me how I'm response is "I'm feeling pregnant." I honestly can't complain as I've had a great pregnancy. No complications, she's growing perfectly, I haven't been sick or on bedrest. I am very thankful. But with that said, I am feeling extremely uncomfortable these days. I've decided that it's mostly because for most of my life, I've been healthy, active and able to do most things fairly easily. I rarely get sick and not feel myself so this "uncomfortableness" that I'm feeling 100% of the time now, is unfamiliar to me. I'm not used to not feeling good ALL the time so I'm just really ready to get back to my "normal" body (yes, I do know that I'll never be back to what it was before baby). I have been crrraaaavvvving a long run where I sweat and push myself. I walked the other day on our treadmill and was in pain all day so I've vetoed that. It just hurt my back and legs too much.

The main pregnancy symptoms I've been feeling is getting dizzy. People ask me what I crave and I say water because I drink more water now than I ever have before. For whatever reason my mouth goes dry, my neck gets really warm and I get light headed super easy. I hate it when it happens and there's been a few times when it's been really scary, like when I'm driving! Other than just being extra tired, not sleeping well and going to the bathroom much more's not been bad. Like I said though, I'm definitely ready for my "normal" body to come back to me. :)