Wednesday, January 7, 2009

so here i am

So here I sit, at the table of the Letter family. Watching A Goofy Movie and feeding Olivia and Will, the two kids I nanny for. I never thought I would be a nanny when I moved here. I guess I was just getting desperate for work and a job that paid well enough to help with our mortgage and bills. And so here I am. It's been a challenge and I have grown to love these two little kids. Seeing William just light up when I walk in to get him up in the morning or hearing Olivia say "I love you sooooo much Julie" just gives me great joy. They are sweet, sweet kids and I know that God has me here for a reason. I've been able to have some good conversations I suppose with Mike and Wendy, but my prayer this year is that I would have a clear chance to share the gospel with them. They are older parents and have lived their fair share of life. And now they have two young kids which I hope makes them think about life more deeply and they start to question things....for their kids sake.

I don't see myself here forever. I would still love to get back into some type of full time ministry. I often think about the job that I really wanted but didn't get - the one at Youth Horizons. That place seemed perfect for me and I think I would have really enjoyed it. I guess that's not what God wanted for me in this stage though. I have learned so much about kids being with Olivia and Will. I think it's God's way of preparing me for the next stage of life - kids of my own. Pete and I had a discussion the other night about what that's going to look like for our family. I didn't want to bring it up because of what he's told me before so it was him that started the conversation. I'll be honest and say that it kinda scares me. I've wanted my own kids my entire life. I remember for my 13th birthday wanting this doll so stinking bad because I wanted it to be my own baby to take care of. I worked in the babies at church and was so excited to take care of Christy when she was born. I remember being jealous when my best friend in 7th grade her mom had a baby. Then two years ago on Mother's Day I was just so ready to have kids of my own to take care of. There is just something about being a mom that attracts me, but at the same time is so scary. The fact that it could be real within the next few years is a new reality that I have to get used to. Which is why I really believe that God's preparing me by putting me in this home for my own family. I know that ministry will look different for me with kids, but I'm excited for that. I still want (and need) to be involved and do the ministry with Pete. That's one of my favorite things about being married and I don't want that to change when we have a family. God has called me to youth ministry and doing it with my husband is something I've always longed for and now am finally able to do! It's so much fun!!

Anyways, the kiddos are onto dessert so it's about time to start cleaning up and transitioning to the next thing....bottle and nap for William and learning activity then nap for Olivia. God's good and I trust that he'll make our family bigger when He knows we're ready for it.