Thursday, February 7, 2008

Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty

So it's been a few months....why am I not surprised. I'm horrible at keeping these things updated. I guess the thoughts that I really want to record, I don't necessarily want to do it on a public website. Anyways, all that to say, I do have some thoughts that have been rolling around in my head for the past week or so that I thought I'd write down.

In my small group, we're going through a study called "Grasping the Greatness of God" by James McDonald. Last week when we previewed the study, I was so excited to start it because I have been feeling lately that I just want to soak in the presence of God. I want to fall on my face because of my reverent fear of who He is. I want to stand at the foot of His throne and worship along with all the angels. And this study seemed to be geared to take me there. This week we've been studying God's holiness. Along with that, I have been hit with a major sin issue in my life. I was reading in Psalm 51 the other day about David's crys to God right after he had committed a crazy sin. The verse that stuck out to me was verse 17:

17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.

The word contrite hit me hard. In my Bible, I have a little note written saying "A contrite heart is one that hates sin and is determined not to sin again." I think that's my problem, that I recognize my sin, but there isn't a deep desire not to go back to it. I know it's wrong, but I know deep inside that I have no plans of giving it up. This issue struck me hard when I realized the dirtiness of my heart. In relation to God's holiness, my prayer has been that God would give me a contrite heart towards my sin. That as I see Him in His glory, I would be so disguisted with my sin not because of the effects that it has on my life, but because of God's amazing greatness and holiness that I can't stand to keep it in my life anymore.

Yesterday in staff prayer, we watched a video by Jim Cymbala called "My House Shall Be Called a House of Prayer". What struck me yesterday as I sat paralyzed in my seat, is what he was saying about how can we pray and expect God to bless one area of our lives when we are living in disobedience in another area. God will not hear the prayers of the unrighteous. My heart was frozen. I knew that I had been living in disobedience in this one particular area of my life and yet I was praying for God's blessing (along with the blessing of others) in other areas. I was humbled as I entered the presence of the Lord and recognized my sin. For the first time in a long time, I desired to turn from my sin because of God's demand for holiness. From the bottom of my heart, I knew God longed for my heart and wanted to bless me, but I wasn't able to experience the wholeness of that because of what I was struggling with.

I am humbled even as I write this and recognize that I still have a lot to work through but praise the LORD God Jehovah who provides continually grace and mercy to the fallen. Thank you Jesus.