honesty

I'm sitting on my couch in my room and just finished my study and reading through Psalm 92. So often in the Psalms it talks about righteousness. In this particular Psalm, it compares righteousness to that of a palm tree or a cedar tree. Verses 12-14 describe those who are righteous as those who will flourish, grow, flourish (again), bear fruit and stay fresh and green. I feel so far from being "righteous". My heart desires it so much but I feel that there are so many things that hold me up.

In the midst of those thoughts as I sit here, I desire to be honest before the Lord. Right now I am struggling with one thing in particular. It's something I decided awhile ago and now I'm feeling the "consequences" of my decision. It's something that I don't want to give up so I find myself making excuses and reasons as to why I don't have to follow through with it. I want to talk with Marla about this because I desire to be righteous in the way I am responding to this situation, but there is so much of me that wants to completely abandon what I decided a long time ago.

I read Scripture and am continually reminded of what the Lord provides for those that live righteous ways, but yet there is that sin within me that just doesn't want to let go. God, I need your help. I need you to be near to me. I don't want to live in wicked ways because just as Psalm 92 says, the wicked will be "forever destroyed" and will "perish" and are "scattered". Keep me far from that Father and show me what it means to tangibly live a righteous life!