11 lbs 4 oz.

I've decided that being a stay at home mom is absolutely wonderful. Some women don't enjoy it and like getting out and having "adult" time occasionally at work, but having been home now for almost 5 weeks, there hasn't been one day yet where I've wanted to get away or have "adult" time. Between my small group on Tuesday nights, church and stuff going on with friends, I feel like I'm not missing out on anything at all. I'm so, so, so thankful that I get to be home with Keira this summer and CAN'T imagine if I had to go back to work full time anytime soon.

This past Sunday Pete wanted to go to a movie and so we decided to see if Jamie and Carla Heintz wanted to watch Keira for a couple hours. They offered before so we decided to take them up on their offer. I got her fed and changed and we dropped her off right before the movie started. During the whole movie I was so anxious and missed her like crazy already! I about jumped out of my seat as soon as the movie ended. I know it's good for us to get out and we need to do that every now and then so I want to make that a priority, but the first time leaving her with someone else was hard.

I've been asking the Lord lately if there's anything I could do that would allow me to earn money while being at home. I haven't gotten any answers but I'm still asking. I'm planning on filling out substitute stuff and then there's a possibility of working at the Crisis Pregnancy Center part time. My prayer has been that I know God knows what would be the BEST situation for us and I want to pursue that. Even though I don't necessarily know what that is yet. I'm trusting that He will show me.

I went to a Mom's group at the hospital this morning and there were about 12 moms and their kids (all under 1) there. It was fun and I just feel like that's the type of stuff I want to do during the day. :) I loved talking with the other women there about their kids and comparing stories. They brought in a scale and weighed Keira. At 4 weeks and 5 days she weighs 11 lbs and 4 ozs!!! She's definitely not having a problem gaining weight that's for sure! She's starting to be more attentive to sounds and noises lately and if you call her name she'll slowly turn her head to look at you. I've even seen a few smiles lately when I've been talking to her! I'm not sure though if it's just gas or they are real smiles. :) I like to think that they are real and she's just smiling at her momma!! :) I can't wait till she starts responding to us and laughing. Just this past week I've heard a few coos from her so she's starting to make some sounds. There is nothing sweeter than the voice of your child. I absolutely LOVE it!!

Time has already gone so fast. Sunday she turned 1 month old and I just can't believe how quickly it's gone. She spits up a TON and I feel like I have to arm myself with burp cloths every time I feed her otherwise I'll get covered. This morning right at the beginning of the class she spits up all down the front and center of my shirt...awesome. :) She gave a good morning projectile vomit this morning in bed to Pete while he was still sleeping. I'm sure he loved the warm milk all over his arm haha. I couldn't help but laugh. The first time she spit up when he was holding her, Pete was downstairs and I was upstairs and all of a sudden I hear, "BABE, BABE!!!" I come running out and he's walking up the stairs holding her out and says to me "Cottage cheese just came out of her mouth!" hahaha. It was hilarious and so I wiped it off her shirt and got her cleaned up.

She's such a JOY and I was thinking this morning how amazing it is of how much I love her already and can't imagine life without her ever again. They say the bond between a mother and baby is great and I so believe it. She's got my heart and it is SO full of love for this sweet little baby girl!!

Grandma & Grandpa G (and Aunt Jess)

So Pete's parents are here this week and it's been great having them. They just absolutely love Keira and it's been so nice having a second pair of hands when she's fussy or I need a break for a couple minutes. I was telling Pete before they got here that we are so blessed with our in-laws!! I just absolutely love Pete's whole family and we get along so great and Pete (from what he tells me) :) loves my parents and family as well. I've heard so many horror stories of "in-laws" so it just makes me appreciate mine all the more!! Jessica (Pete's sister) came in last night as well so it's been fun having her around.


Pete and his dad are building a deck extension on our teeny tiny square deck. It's going to be so great once it's done!! I'm so impressed that they can just figure out how to put a deck together like they do. I wouldn't have the SLIGHTEST clue as to where to start haha. :) Now we will be able to bring our patio set up there and eat outside. I'm so excited for that!! It's such a blessing having a husband who not only knows how to work with his hands, but is so great at it and does such an excellent job. I seriously think he could figure anything out if he tried to. He is SUCH a hard worker!!!

Here's some progress pictures from the deck:

Keira Blair is HERE!!!

So I'm finally getting around to writing about our new little sweet daughter, Keira Blair. She is the most precious thing ever and I am already so incredibly in love with her! I wanted to write about the whole labor process and everything that I was feeling and thinking so I don't forget it and can read back on it one day. The whole process was amazing (although quite painful) but it made the 9 months of uncomfortableness so totally worth it!! When I saw Keira for the first time, I bawled like a baby!

When/How it happened...
Her due date was April 16th. I hadn't at all been having any labor pains or contractions so I was feeling (and preparing for the worst) like I was going to be late and mentally prepared my mind to be pregnant for another week or so. I had a doctor's appointment on Thursday the 15th and Dr. Hague said I was still 1 1/2 cm dilated, which I had been for the last 3 weeks. Kinda disappointing but we set the date of the following Thursday to be induced if I didn't go into labor on my own. Friday morning, the 16th, I got up for my last day of work and went downstairs to spend time in the Word and journaled a bit. I wrote that today was my due date but I didn't think it would happen then cause I wasn't feeling any different at all. About 7:30 I came upstairs to go about my normal routine and sat down on the couch and my water broke. I stood up and it gushed out!!! I quickly ran to the bedroom door and woke Pete up and told him that my water was breaking (meanwhile it is still flowing out of me haha...there was quite the puddle on the floor!!). He woke up in a frantic and was like "Uh okay, um, what do we do? Do we go in? Should we call the doctor? Do you have everything you need? What do I do?" haha. I just stood there and knew that if my water broke, there would be a baby that day and we just went straight into the Birthcare Center. I took a shower and we got the rest of my things together. It was crazy thinking that this baby was coming today! While 10 minutes earlier I had journaled that I didn't think it would happen that day! This little girl was prompt! haha. It honestly couldn't have happened at a better time. She was right on her due date, it was early in the morning and we had both had a full night's sleep, I got to take a shower, I was at home when my water broke (that would have been horribly embarassing if I had been in public!!), Pete was home...really, it was perfect timing!

So we got in the car and drove to the Birthcare Center at Wesley Hospital. What a surreal feeling. I remember thinking of all the times I drove to my classes at the hospital wondering what and when it would be when we drove there to have the baby. I couldn't be more excited and so nervous!! We got to the hospital and checked in. I still wasn't having any contractions so they waited about an hour to see if any would start and then they started me on pitocin around 10 am to get the process moving. I started feeling the contractions shortly after and we walked around a bit. Around 12:30 or so I was getting extremely uncomfortable. By this time I was dialiated to 2-3 cm which was still too early for the epidural. They gave me some crazy pain medication which was supposed to relax me. Let's just say that relax me it did!! I honestly don't even remember the next 3 hours. It was the WEIRDEST feeling ever!! I was in such excruciating pain but in between the contractions, I literally felt like I was dying. I think I said that out loud. I would slip into another world and I felt like I was in some dream land. I don't remember what Pete was doing, where I was or what anyone was saying around me. It was crazy. I would "wake up" for the contraction, grip the side bar on the hospital bed and then as soon as it was over, slip right back into dream world.

Around 3:30 pm they checked me and I was dialiated to 5 cm. They decided to give me the epidural at that point which I was extremely thankful for. It didn't hurt at all and I was still high on those crazy pain relaxant meds. :) About an hour after they gave it to me, I was still feeling the contractions so they called the anesthesiologist back and they gave me two extra doses. Let's just say I was as numb as you could get and my legs were DEAD weight once that stuff kicked in. Seriously, I don't know how women go through labor without the epidural. That thing was a life saver!! I can't imagine going through the rest of the day with that intense pain. No thank you!! Props to anyone who chooses to endure it!! :)

After the epidural it was smooth sailing! :) I was much more comfortable and was chatting with the nurses and just waiting. By like 6 or so I was dialiated to 8 cm and then around 7:30 pm I was "AC" or all complete - totally effaced and at 10 cm. They let me "labor down" for an hour which meant we would just wait to start pushing and let the contractions push the baby down so that I didn't have to push as long. I was so thankful that they did that because once I did start pushing, I only had to push for about 1/2 hour. Around 9:10 I started pushing and that was much harder than I expected. I thought since I couldn't feel anything it wouldn't be that bad. It didn't hurt at all, but it was still exhausting and took so much energy. I had them set up a mirror (sorry if that's a little gross) but it helped me so much especially since I couldn't feel anything to be able to see my progress when I would push. Around 9:35 the nurse said that I had to stop pushing and wait for the doctor because if I pushed again she would come out. My doctor wasn't able to be there that night so the on call doctor had to deliver (Dr. Craddock). She got there about 9:40 or so and it was like all of a sudden there were about 15 people in the room. I pushed like 2 times and there she was!! Our daughter was finally here!!!

As soon as Keira came out they immediately wrapped her in a blanket and put her skin to skin on my chest. I was absolutely bawling, she was bawling and who knows what everyone was doing around me. All I could do was look at her and I couldn't believe that she was finally here and she was ours!! They got me all taken care of and then got her cleaned up and within the half hour they had me start breastfeeding. She ate for about 45 minutes which was such a great start!!

It was such an amazing feeling to look at her and just stare thinking that she was inside me and look at her fingers and toes knowing that those were the hands and feet that I felt kicking and tickling me for the past many months. Absolutely incredible!! I had dreamed of this moment for years and years and it was everything I could have imagined. She was born at 9:53 pm on April 16th. She weighed a hefty 8 lbs. 15 oz and was 19 1/2 inches long. She has a good head of dark hair and dark blue eyes (seriously...what?? we're both blond and brown eyed...?) :) Her name Keira doesn't really have any significance other than we both just liked it. I wish it had some cool meaning, but it just means "dark haired" (seems to fit her). :) However, her middle name, Blair, is the maiden name of my mom and my Grandparents last name. My Grandpa died last March so naming her after them definitely has significance. I knew I always wanted to use the name Blair if I had a girl.

The rest of our hospital stay was actually really eventful. On Saturday we had a ton of visitors and by the end of the day, I was so totally exhausted. My body hurt really bad and I just wanted to sleep. At Wesley, they don't have a baby nursery so once that baby is born, it's yours and you do everything. She slept in a little crib right next to my bed so when she woke up, I had to take care of her. The first night I was up most of the night and just lay there staring at her. I couldn't get enough of just looking at her. She is just perfect! 10 fingers, 10 toes, every part in the right place. It is such a miracle and I am so blown away by God's hand in the process. To think that she was formed in just the right was without anyone doing anything or having any role in it, is so amazing. I don't know how anyone could ever think that we were created from nothing. There is too much detail that goes into our human bodies to just come from nothing. Keira is a GIFT from the Lord that He has entrusted with. What a blessing!!

We got to go home on Sunday afternoon and our first week home was great. My mom flew in Monday night and was here to help for a week. I was so thankful for her! She knew all the tips and tricks for just about everything to keep her happy and take good care of her. It was such a help to have my mom to cook and clean around the house as well. Now that she's gone, I'm finding that it's easy to get behind. Today I had a bunch of things I wanted to get done but Keira was fussy this morning so I didn't even get lunch until she finally fell asleep around 3:00.

I absolutely LOVE being at home with her!! I am so thankful that I have the summer to take care of Keira and be with her. I'm sure it will be hard once I start working in the fall. I'm planning on substitute teaching in the fall 3 days a week and that's going to be really hard to leave her during the day. I'm trusting that God will prepare my heart for that and allow us to find the right person to help take care of her.

In the meantime, I am going to enjoy every minute I have with her. Tomorrow we have her 2 week check up and it's crazy to think it's already been that long. I want to soak in every moment that she stares at me and cuddles up on my shoulder. She is such a bright baby and when she's awake, she's completely awake!! She loves just looking at me (or whoever is holding her) and when I hold her up on my shoulder, she always props her head up to look at my face. Her big eyes draw me in and I seriously just love that little girl so much!! I can't believe she's ours and I get to keep her forever!!

Thank you God for this little life that you have given us. What a reminder it is that you long to love us like a Father. I believe that Keira is going to teach me more about YOU over the next however many years and that you're going to show me what it means to really love unconditionally. We are so blessed!! Thank you Father!!

I'm feeling blessed.

So throughout this entire pregnancy, I have been feeling extremely blessed by the people in my life. When I went home for the shower at my parents house, there were close to 30 girls that came, all from different times of life and different places…small groups, church, middle school, high school, friends who I met through other friends, roommates, basically every area of life. I remember looking around the room and just feeling blessed. I haven’t lived in IL for almost 2 years and yet I fly home and all these girls still come out to get excited with me for our little girl.

That same weekend students I had in my HouseGroup threw me a surprise shower. Again, haven’t seen most of them since I was married but yet they were that excited for us they all got together and surprised me with a shower. It was overwhelming that weekend to see all the people who loved me enough to bless us with gifts as well as give their time to come catch up!

Then I come back to Wichita and my friends throw me a shower and there are probably close to 20 girls that come to that. Friends that I’ve met here and begun to develop relationships with. Friends that I prayed and asked God for and He has so abundantly blessed me with. And again, one Sunday night before small groups…my students throw me another surprise shower. That’s not to mention the shower that my college friends gave me back in December. I have been completely overwhelmed by everyone’s generosity and just feeling so….blessed.

Not only that…but I have people checking in on me all the time seeing how I’m doing and asking if I need anything. I’ve had a number of people tell me they check my facebook every day to see if little miss has made her appearance yet. :) I can’t even put it in words what I’m feeling and thinking. God has given me great friends and people in my life and I can only say it again…I am BLESSED.

Here are some pictures of my different showers:

Shower at parent's house

Elgin HouseGroup Girls


Bethel Girls Shower

Wichita Friends Shower

Wichita Friends Shower

"I will tell of the kindnesses of the LORD, the deeds for which he is to be praised, according to all the LORD has done for us— yes, the many good things he has done for the house of Israel, according to his compassion and many kindnesses." Isaiah 63:7

Closin' in on the end.

Well, I'm 2 1/2 weeks out from my due date. 2 1/2 weeks until we get to meet our little girl and I couldn't be more ready. Not just because I'm so uncomfortable or because she's pushing so hard on my stomach I feel like she's going to pop through or because I can't sleep at night or because I have to pee every hour (at least!).....but more so because I can't wait for the moment where I see her face for the very first time and when our eyes look at each other and I see the little girl that has been growing inside of me for the last 9 1/2 months of my life. It's such a surreal experience and it's hard for me to sometimes believe that it's real. Any day now....any day now.

Here's a picture of me at 35 1/2 weeks pregnant. She hadn't dropped at this point but I definitely feel like she's a lot lower now. I need to have Pete take an updated picture this week.

I've definitely been "nesting" the last week or so. Our nursery is all set and I just need a couple more things before I feel completely ready. We did the painting of the verses on the wall on Sunday and I think it looks great. Pete being the perfectionist that he is when it comes to painting, doesn't think it looks great, but I disagree. I love it and will love being reminded of the promises from God's Word when I rock our girl. Here is the final outcome:



The two verses that I chose were from the baby book that I have...both from Isaiah 43.

"I have called you by name; you are mine." ~Isaiah 43:1
"You are precious to me and I love you." ~Isaiah 43:4

I love that they came from Isaiah 43 because that's the same chapter that God used to confirm to me that I was to marry Pete. I love it when God does little things like that!! My life verse that God gave me for our little girl is from 1 Samuel 1:27-28, "I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD." And he worshiped the LORD there." (except I change the "him's" to "her's" :)

So being that our girl is full term as of last Friday....all I have to say to her is COME BABY COME!! :) Bring on the labor pains and the aching and hurt and contractions....I'm ready for you!!!!

ooooohhhh :(

I killed a squirrel yesterday on my way to church. So sad!! I almost started crying in the car as I looked in my rear view mirror and saw the little guy wiggling in the middle of the road.... (what? i'm pregnant and hormonal!!) :) I'm not a huge fan of squirrels but it's still sad to know that I killed one!!!

In tribute to my little dead squirrel friend....

My role??

I'm getting anxious for summer to get here. While I'm definitely thankful for the warmer weather in Wichita, I'm ready to have it be warm and stay warm. Wichita weather is sooooo strange....


Seriously....60's tomorrow and then a 30's and SNOW on Saturday?? What? I just don't understand. I guess I just have to endure the Saturday weather and get through it to get back to the 50/60's next week. :)
This weekend is the high school spring retreat. My role looks much different this time around being that I'm 36 weeks pregnant and can't stay on my feet for very long and get winded walking from one end of the room to the other. :) I think I'll go with them Friday night and come back and sleep at home and then go back again sometime on Saturday. I will miss being there the whole weekend and seeing what God has in store for this time away. Fall retreat was definitely a turning point for our ministry so I'm hoping that spring retreat is just a follow up for that.

I miss doing youth ministry full time. In an ideal world, I would be able to stay home with our baby and meet with girls in the afternoon and go in and help Pete with whatever needed to be done that week. I soooooo miss doing that. I was really challenged with what my role was and spent a lot of time thinking about it the past couple weeks. When I was at home and working full time at CCC, I had time to do a lot of discipling. Between HouseGroups and having the freedom in the afternoons to leave work or have girls come meet at church, or even hang with them at night or on the weekends, I was able to spend a lot more time investing in the relationships that I had built. At my wedding in this picture, each one of these students I had personally spent time with and invested in:


Youth ministry and discipleship was my life. I loved it!! Ministry looks sooooooo different now that I'm married and having a baby and not doing it full time. It's been a hard transition because I don't feel like I'm doing what I'm good at. As well as struggling with not having connected with the girls here to the extent that I really want to. I would love to have a group like this here in Wichita, but as I've been processing this the last couple weeks, I'm realizing that my role here looks really different.

In my small group we've been reading the book "Velvet Elvis" by Rob Bell and last week I was really challenged. He was talking about having to kill the "Superpastor" in you and I totally related with that. Putting to death the demands of what others (or yourself) feel like you have to be to be a good spiritual leader. I feel like there's part of me that has to be here what I was back home. The "superdiscipler" if that makes any sense. Involved in everything and the leader who connects with all the girls and has invested time and energy into their spiritual walk. If they are struggling, it's my responsibility to talk with them and point them in the right direction. And right now, I physically can't do that for all the girls. My responsibilities now are my husband and now my baby girl and theeeennnn the girls in the ministry. Allowing my mind to recognize this has been difficult and caused me to feel like I'm failing. I've been recently asking God to show me what HE wants my role to be and what that looks like. Even with this spring retreat coming up this weekend, it's really hard for me not to be there and be apart of everything. I feel like I'm missing out and not being there fully for the girls. But again....I just can't do it all and I know if I did all that I wanted to, I would wear myself out physically and I just can't afford to do that to my body at this point in the pregnancy. I have to take it easy.

Anyways, just some things that have been running through my mind lately. You'd think I would have figured it out sooner being that I've almost lived in Wichita for 2 years (in August) but it's been a process. And it will continue to be a process. I'm trusting God to provide and work out the details for what this next stage of life will look like. It's going to be completely new and nothing like I've never experienced before. It scares me to death, but I'm so ready and so excited for it!!!