Thursday, March 13, 2014

My sweet baby #3

I'm sitting in Starbucks with a very rare, hour to myself.  Pete got home late from work and said I could go out and do whatever I wanted then pick Keira up from Cubbies.  I've got about 45 minutes and I've been wanting to update my blog with my sweet little Karsyn's birth story so I don't forget it!  My little sugar pie (what I've somehow knick named her??), is just beyond amazing!!  I was just looking and staring and talking and admiring her tonight and just blown away by how faithful God has been in giving me three healthy, beautiful babies.  My heart is absolutely full and over flowing!

Now with that said, the transition from 2 to 3 kids has been rough.  Most definitely harder than going from 1 to 2.  The whole pregnancy if I was honest was rough.  I wouldn't say the actual pregnancy was harder, it was more the situation and the circumstances we were in that made it tough.  We had just moved out to California but a lot of the transition and living situation and what God was doing in my heart made it very hard.  Probably the hardest time of my life so far.  I feel like it was Satan just attacking me and the 9+ months of pregnancy just made it even more emotionally hard to deal with.  My hormones were all over the place which made it just hard.  I was looking forward to not being pregnant more than anything!!  Kellen (as expected) has been the hard one.  He has always been a clingy, touchy, needy little boy and I knew it would be hard when the baby came along as Mommy wouldn't be able to just hold and snuggle him all the time.  I was right.  He has struggled with sharing me and to be honest, he has probably been the hardest one to deal with.  He gets pretty winey and clingy which is just hard when I know I have to feed Karsyn or she's crying and I have to tend to her first before I can just sit with him.  He's been acting up with Keira (or is this just him being 2 and growing into his "boy-ness"?) so that's been a new struggle to have to deal with and figure out how to handle.  I know it will pass (hopefully soon?) so I just keep praying for wisdom on how to handle him and the whole situation.

So there I was...39 weeks and 5 days pregnant.

 Because Lord knows that I carry full term babies so what made me think I'd come early?  I don't know.  I was hopeful, but no.  Let me back August Pete got his job at San Diego Christian College.  One of the BIGGEST blessings in the midst of the crazy year.  That was an answer to prayers that had been lifted up for many, many months.  One of his main responsibilities when he was hired was to lead the campus move.  The entire college was moving from El Cajon to Santee and he was the lead on it.  He did incredible and worked his tail off.  But when was the move scheduled for??  Yes.  January 15th.  When was I due?  January 16th.  From the minute that the students were finished with finals in December until probably 2 weeks after Karsyn was born, he was working 60, 70, 80 hour weeks.  I was fortunate enough that he was at the birth of our baby, but it was still really hard.  But God knew and met our/my need.  The college needed a painter and so they flew Gary & Cyndi out for the 10 days prior to Karsyn's bday and Gary painted and Cyndi helped me at home.  That was the BIGGEST BLESSING EVER!  I was soooooo uncomfortable, not sleeping, hoping and hoping I would go into labor, could barely take care of Keira & Kellen so having Cyndi there to entertain them and clean and cook was absolutely amazing!  And they got a free trip out here to see their grand babies.  God knew.  And worked it out.  I was so, so thankful for them!

Tea parties outside with Grandma (while I rested inside!)

Pile up with Papa
So jump back to 39 weeks and 5 days pregnant.  Gary & Cyndi were leaving on Thursday the 16th and still no baby.  I was getting ready that morning and Pete came in the bathroom and said that if I could get induced tomorrow (the 15th) that would actually be a good day for him to not go into work.  I did NOT want to get induced.  I had to be induced with both kids already and just wanted it to happen on her own schedule.  But I also knew how, how sad Gary & Cyndi would be if they had been here for 10 days and no baby.  So I told Pete I'd at least call and see if it was an option.  Go figure, Dr. Gray called me right back and said she was going to be at the hospital the next day all day so it worked out perfect.  Come check in at 6:45 am.  So there it was.  Tomorrow was the day and Karsyn was going to have January 15th as her birthday!

We got all ready and had a little birthday party with Grandma and Papa for Karsyn that night, complete with amazing chocolate cake made by Cyndi. :)
 Went to bed for the last time with only 2 babies and woke up early to head to the hospital.

The day I met my babies (besides my wedding day) is hands down the best days of my life.  There is absolutely nothing in this world that compares to holding that baby you've been carrying in your arms for the first time.  All 3 times I bawled like a baby myself.

The process at the hospital was a slow one.
Pete working while we waited...complete with hoppy and all. :)

Don't mind that I look like a WHALE in this pic.  Still waiting for things to kick in.

Jamie was at the hospital all day along with Elyse & Shep.  Trying to keep them occupied!
They started the pitocin but I didn't start having regular contractions until after 1 pm.  I had gotten the epidural beforehand (so thankful for!) so I really didn't feel much of anything.  A little pain here or there, but besides that, all was good.  Until about 3 pm.  They thought that I would have definitely had Karsyn by lunch so the fact that it was taking much longer than anticipated, I was just getting anxious.  Around 3 or so I started feeling pretty weak.  My nose started to get really congested and then my left arm started going numb...along with my chest.  It was pretty scary.  They put me on oxygen and took the epidural out right away.  Somehow the numbing medicine had moved upward which is why I was feeling super weak.  My mom had arrived the day before and Jamie was there as well which I was grateful for but seeing them get worried was kinda scary as well.  Once the epidural wore off a bit I felt better, could breathe again but was still numb on the bottom for the birth.  This was around 5 pm now.  The nurse checked me and I was complete!  The best news all day!  However, I was still -2 (where the baby is at) so I could push if I wanted to, but she kept sliding back up.  I "labored down" for an hour and then started pushing at 6 pm.  Unfortunately my doctor was off at 6 so she didn't get to deliver Karsyn, but I was thankful that she was there throughout the day checking on me.  I pushed for an hour with my mom and sister and Pete there to coach me.  It was extremely helpful having my mom there as she knew exactly what to say that helped me focus and push my little heart out.

7:01 pm Karsyn Faith Goodman was born.  A very, very healthy 8 lbs 15 oz.  The exact same weight as Keira was.  And she looked like her TWIN!  Two days prior we had decided to change her middle name (it was going to be Ann) because of the journey we had been on throughout my entire pregnancy with her.  I am so glad we did as I absolutely love her name and the significance of it!

I bawled like a baby when she came out and once again just absolutely in awe of the miracle of life.  It was so fun having the kids meet her for the first time.  For so long we had been telling them baby Karsyn was in mommy's tummy so when they actually saw her in person, they didn't know what to think.  Keira especially because you could tell she was just processing what had happened and didn't know what to make of it.  :)

It was such a different experience with family this time around because almost everyone was there! (we were missing my dad and Christy but that's it!)  With Keira and Kellen it was literally just Pete & I so having all my family there was just amazing!

When I delivered her, I didn't deliver the placenta.  I didn't think anything of it because I was enamored with my daughter but I do remember the doctor having to go inside me and retrieve it.  Again, I didn't think anything about it because I was completely captivated by my new girl in my arms.  Later on though, I realized this was a serious issue that cause significant complications.  I'll get to that in a minute.

My recovery was decent...typical of normal, afterbirth recovery.  I was sore for a couple days but back to normal within a week or so.  I was so, so, so anxious for this and to not be pregnant and feel myself again!!  After being uncomfortable for so long, I longed just to have my body back!!  All was good...didn't have anything to worry about.

Karsyn definitely was a rough sleeper for the first couple weeks (and still isn't the greatest).  She was continually up almost every hour and a half to two hours eating so I didn't sleep much at all those first few weeks (still not getting a ton of sleep though).  But besides eating a lot and not sleeping for long periods of time, she is a good baby.  When she was 2 weeks old she caught Kellen's cold.  I knew it was bound to happen but was just crossing my fingers it wouldn't...but it did.  There is nothing worse than knowing your baby is struggling and there's nothing you can do to help.  I suctioned her nose, put the humidifier on, tilted her bed...everything I could think of to help clear it up.  I finally called the doctor because she was just struggling and I was worried she wasn't getting enough oxygen since it was much deeper than I could get.  Her cough was just horrible and you'd think she was dying every time she tried to cough up the mucus in her throat.  :(  I took her in and they cleaned her out and listened to her and ultimately just said I just needed to "love her through it".  So I did.  And she got better.

Then it was my turn.  When Karsyn was a week old, I had passed a clot (too much info?) not too big but asked my mom about it and she just said if it happens again to call the doctor.  It didn't happen again so I didn't think anything about it.  Bleeding is normal after you have a vaginal birth so I didn't think anything was wrong.  Not exactly.  On February 11th I woke up suddenly at 5 am to me gushing blood...a whole heck a lot of it.  Absolutely one of the scariest things to experience in my life.  Jamie came over to watch the kids (never been so thankful that we live so close!!) and Pete took me to the ER right away.  We got there and they assessed me and determined that I had retained placenta.  This is where some of your placenta is still in your uterus and the bleeding is caused by it trying to get it out.  This is dangerous in the sense that it can cause serious infection if the placenta is still left in there so there's a big need to get it all out.  After the ultrasound, the doctor determined that there wasn't enough left to do a D&C (the same surgery that they do after you have a miscarriage or (ugh) an abortion - go in an physically clean out your uterus).  They gave me antibiotics and sent me home by 10 am.  I was thankful that I didn't have to stay longer and was hoping it was just a one time deal.  Not so much.

I picked up my antibiotics and the next day seemed fine.  It was a scare but was just thankful it was over.  Well, it wasn't.  That night (Wednesday), after my small group, everything was normal and I was laying in bed around 10 pm and it happened again.  But worse.  I was standing in the shower just gushing blood and clots (again too much info? sorry) and crying absolutely scared to death of what was happening to me.  I seriously thought I might be dying.  I was losing a LOT of blood.  We called Jamie again and she came over to be with the kids.  Seriously, it makes me almost cry how thankful I was to have her close in this situation.  Having a brand new baby I didn't want to leave her in just anyones hands for the night, or day, or any amount of time.  Knowing my sister was there put my heart at rest so I could focus on what was going on with my body.

We went this time straight to Mary Birch (the baby hospital) because I figured I was going to have to have a D&C so it would be better to already be there rather than have to be transferred.  They checked me in and I laid in triage for almost 3 hours.  THREE HOURS!  Bleeding.  Continuously!  I was soooooo frustrated!!  I wanted to trust they knew what they were doing but it was hard for me to do that knowing how much blood I was still losing and no one was doing anything!  It finally took me passing out and my blood pressure going way down and needing oxygen for them to rush me up to the OR.  They prepped me for surgery and I just remember tears streaming down my face as I said bye to Pete.  Scared and not having any idea what was going on with me.  I knew one thing.  I just wanted the bleeding to stop as it was still happening during this whole process.

I had the surgery around 3 am and afterwards was back in the recovery room.  My blood pressure was still not going back up after about 2 hours so they had to give me a blood transfusion because I had lost so much earlier.  I am glad that they did, but was so frustrated because I knew that if they had done something earlier when I sat in the triage room just losing tons of blood, I probably wouldn't have had to have this.  Anyways, they did it and once it was finished my blood pressure went back up.  Around 7 am they moved me down to the recovery room and just told me to rest.  I had to stay until Friday morning so they could make sure everything was okay.  Mind you, every 3 hours I am having to pump since I am nursing Karsyn.  Awesome! (sense the sarcasm) Thank the Lord I had pumped a ton when she was first born so I had plenty of milk for her to be at home for 3 days without me.  Again, God knew.

Friday morning came (Happy Valentines Day to us!) and I was released.

 I was weak but feeling like I was finally going to be on the mend.  My aunt came down from LA that day to stay with me and help with the kids.  Once again, so, so thankful for everyone's willingness to help out.  I was so blessed by that in the midst of all this.  God had even worked it out where we were still getting meals two weeks after this happened so again, we were taken care of.  So thankful!!  Things are completely fine now and I'm doing much better.  It was a scary thing that happened but so glad that it wasn't anything worse.

So here we are, my baby is 8 weeks old (yesterday) and we are all home and well (well kinda...the big kids have been sick - puking and diarrhea this week!)  I told Pete I feel like we just have a "sick demon" in our house that keeps the germs coming and we just can't get better.  About 1.5 weeks after my incident, I had to take Karsyn to the ER because she had caught another cough/cold and had a 101.8 fever and was really struggling to breathe.  When I called the doctor they told me to bring her in (of course it was a Sunday...I feel like everything always happens on the weekend!) because they might have to do blood work since she's so little and her fever was so high.  She was fine but it was still scary as I drove my baby to the hospital!

It's funny because after all of this, the hard pregnancy (and my despise of being pregnant!), the bleeding, the surgery, the hospital, the ER, the scares, the sleepless'd think I'd say I'm done having kids.  Actually kinda the opposite.  Having my third just makes me more anxious to have our fourth.  We want 4 kids so we'll have one more after this.  While I in no way look forward to being pregnant again, I do look forward to meeting and knowing that 4th and final member of our family.  It's funny because I've seen a few of my friends lately have their 4th baby and I get so excited for that moment when I know our family is complete.  This is who we'll spend the rest of our days with.  These are the kids that we'll grow old taking care of.  This is what our family will look like.  Right now, I definitely don't want to rush just having 3 kids but there is definitely a longing in my heart knowing that "our quiver isn't full" yet.  There is still another member of our family that I haven't met yet and it's that whole anxiousness and best excitement ever to meet and know that last child.  Until then though, I want to soak in Karsyn Faith and enjoy her newborn moments.  Aren't they only considered newborns until 3 months??  So that means that I only have a month left of these days.  She's already changed so much and getting so much bigger (as in I've already had to retire some baby clothes!).  It really is amazing how they say your heart just grows in capacity to love with the more kids you have.  You think you could never love your 2nd baby as you did your 1st and so on, but it is just the opposite.  You're just given an entire new capacity to love with each child.  I am absolutely LOVING this stage of life and know that I was meant to do this.  My heart is completely captivated by my babes and it just keeps getting better!!!!!