Yet another new chapter

I'm onto yet another new chapter in life. My nanny job was short lived being that Wendy got laid off at work which in turn, means that I got laid off. It was perfect timing though cause I already had another job lined up even before I was finished there. I had a week off and then started about 2 1/2 months ago at the Kansas District Office of Assemblies of God. As I thought about the job, it excited me to get back into what I was so familiar with...office work. The people have been wonderful and I have really enjoyed so far getting to know the whole "denomination" thing. I knew nothing about the AG denomination so it's definitely been a learning process. I will say that it's cool seeing all the different churches come together. That's definitely a different thing that Christ Community didn't have. We functioned within ourselves and not a ton with other churches. It's different that what I'm used to but it's neat.

We had to read these two books for our staff meeting tomorrow...one called "Now, Discover Your Strengths" and the other called "Wild Goose Chase". I really enjoyed each of them and they made me think a lot. I really believe that if people are working within their giftings than they will be happy and "successful". According to the online test, my giftings are maximizer, communication, includer, connectedness and harmony (www.strengthsfinder.com). They seem to be mostly right on. My heart and passion is still with students though. I find myself feeling the most "satisfied" when I'm working with middle and high school students. They are just right at that age when they are getting it and they (for the most part) want to hear any truth spoken into their lives. We have a great group of students at Asbury and now that we've been there about a year, I'm really developing some good relationships with the kids there.

Summer has been fun so far. Last weekend we went up to the lake with Lance & Hollie, Jason & Becca and Brie & Ryan. I love doing couples things and am so thankful for the friends that God has given me here. That was a prayer I had prayed before I left and the Lord has just totally answered it. I still miss my friends from home so much though. Leslie and Jerusalem were supposed to come this weekend but now aren't able to. I was so excited to have them come see my new world and show them the oh so exciting...Wichita (sense my sarcasm??). But really, Kansas isn't a place that people often, or rarely ever, vacation to so I was so happy to get to see them and spend the weekend with them. Hopefully it will work out sometime soon I suppose.

Pete's at middle school camp this week so it's me and Wrigley at home. Last night I let him sleep with me and I just love when he cuddles up to me. He gets as close as he can possibly get to me when he sleeps at night. It's often a pain and wakes me up, but I love cuddling with him. :) He's not as good as cuddling with my husband, but he will have to do while Pete's gone. We head to SEMP in two weeks with 9 students. I'm so excited to get into Chicago and show the students where I went to school and all around the city. I do miss the city life so much! Wichita just isn't cutting it for long term. It seems that people who live here have lived her their whole lives and I can see why. It's the type of home town "city" that feels country. There are lots of old people who have never lived anywhere else. As much as I am enjoying my life right now, I am pretty sure that we won't be here forever.

On a different note, we're now trying to have a baby! It's been about 1 1/2 months since I've been off birth control and it's just a waiting game now. It's exciting and I just keep praying that God would bring us a baby at the right time. I'm so ready to be a mom. I've wanted this since I was 13. It's hard to believe that it's a possibility finally. God is good!

Well, that's the update. It's been awhile but things are still going well. God's stretching us and challenging us and encouraging us now more than ever as we are 9 months into our first year of marriage. I can't imagine being anywhere else and am loving the adventure of Kansas living!!! :)

My Grandpa

My Grandpa has always been one of those people who loves to joke around with you. I remember growing up when him and my Grandma would come and visit our home in Batavia, we would just be hanging out around the house and I would walk into a room and all of a sudden he would be there trying to scare us. The little sounds he would make to just get us to jump would of course scare us half to death and we would scream and he would just laugh and laugh, knowing he was successful in his plot. This would happen many times over whenever we would see him. He would even try and scare the animals. He would take his cane and bat it at them to get a rise out of our cat or dog and once again, when he was successful...just laugh and laugh. :) Another memory I have of my grandpa is that he was always apart of the clean plate club. I guess living in Africa for 30 years will do that to you and teach you to eat what's in front of you, but there were times that we would be sitting at the kitchen table finishing dinner and grandpa would literally be taking his fork and scraping every little last crumb off his plate and eating it. He was not wasteful and always I'm sure made my mom feel like she had made the greatest meal he had ever eaten. :)

When I think about my grandpa, I think of a servant. His soft sweet heart was always willing to give of himself to help others. Him and my Grandma would come and visit and Grandpa would always have to have a project to work on or something to help my family with. Just recently I remember my mom calling and telling me that he wasn't doing very well and she would keep me updated. So the next time I talked to my mom I asked her how Grandpa was doing and my mom laughed and said, "He's doing just fine....he was up at the table peeling carrots." :) That picture is what my Grandpa was about. He lived for Jesus and for others. That is so clearly seen by the way that he gave up the comforts of American living to live in Africa for 30 years to tell those people about God's love for them. He lived to give his life so that others may know Jesus in a better way...whether through his words or his actions.

Out of all of my memories of my Grandpa, I think the one that I will hold onto forever will be one that happened about 3 years ago. We were up in Michigan just all sitting around talking in the living room and it was my brother in law's first time meeting all the family. My Grandma was asking him a ton of questions and when my Grandpa got in a few words, all he could talk about was how loving and serving Jesus was the thing that was most important that we could ever do. He started to cry, and I remember watching him and thinking, "God make me that passionate for you. When I am 90 years old, I want to be as in love with you as my Grandpa is." My Grandpa loved Jesus and if you knew him, you knew that. His heart was for Jesus and I have never known anyone who was more ready to be welcomed into Heaven by the one that he had given his life to serving and loving.

I believe my Grandpa lived this long because God was answering a prayer I had prayed for many many years, without him even knowing it. I had been praying since I was a teenager that my Grandparents would be alive when the day came that I got married. I wanted them to be in the front row on the day that I walked the aisle to my husband. Maybe it was a selfish prayer, but I remember a few years ago when he would not be doing good, I would tell my mom that I knew he wasn't going to die because God was going to keep them around for my wedding. I fully believed that and it was a prayer that God answered. 6 1/2 months ago, I got married to the man God made for me and my Grandparents were both there, sitting in the front row, watching me walk down the aisle. Not only were they there, but our wedding day was September 20th, the same day 67 years ago that my Grandma walked down the aisle to my Grandpa. Pete and I share an anniversary with my Grandparents and there is no greater honor
that I would rather have. If we can leave a legacy to any amount that my Grandpa has led our family to, I know that God will be pleased. I love my Grandpa and him and my Grandma will always be my role models and my heroes. He has set the bar high and I fully intend to pursue after Jesus the way that he did.

Exodus

Exodus 4:10-12 (New International Version)

¹⁰ Moses said to the LORD, "O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue."

¹¹ The LORD said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD ? ¹² Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say."

¹³ But Moses said, "O Lord, please send someone else to do it."

¹⁴ Then the LORD's anger burned against Moses and he said, "What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he can speak well. He is already on his way to meet you, and his heart will be glad when he sees you. ¹⁵ You shall speak to him and put words in his mouth; I will help both of you speak and will teach you what to do.

These verses have been the center of my thoughts the past couple weeks. I read them awhile ago and remember thinking how amazing it is that when God called Moses to lead the Israelites out of Egypt, He provided everything that he would need to do it. My thought was that when God calls you to something, He will always give you the means to do it. I've know that thought process for some time now but in reading through the story of Moses and the Israelites for the past few weeks it has really sunk in and that aspect of God's character has really come alive to me through Scripture.

I've read this story many times before but this time it's different. Those verses show how Moses thought he was completely not equipped for what God was calling him to. He questioned God and God was angry with him for even questioning him! How many times does God call me to something and I question him and his purpose? Seriously. Way too often. Even the little things. I far too often hesitate. But I love how God says that he will help him and show him what to say. When God calls us to something, he will never abandon us and leave us to do it on our own. He goes with us and teaches us how he wants it done.

As the story continues, Moses goes to Pharaoh 10 times asking for him to release the Israelites to him. This is no small request. There were 600,000 MEN (not including women and children!!!). This is a TOOONNN of people to move from one place to another. I can't even imagine what they were accomplishing for Pharaoh and what it meant to lose them. But God had a plan. After 10 plagues and Pharaoh's extremely hard heart, he says okay. Moses heads them up and leads them to a better life.

Once they were on their way, God just continues to provide for them so that they may get to the promised blessing of a new land. They come to the Red Sea and God spreads it apart so all 1,000,000+ of them can walk through. There seemed to be barriers and hardships in the middle of their journey, but once again, God promised He would teach them and show them how to go and He did. They get through the Red Sea and are walking through the desert and begin to complain. Having been in Israel, I know that it is hot and dry and I can imagine why they would complain about being miserable. Dehydration is no fun. However, they forgot where they came from and even thought it was better off in Egypt where they had food and water. They forgot where God was taking them and began to wish they were somewhere else. However, STILL God provides. He hears their complaints and sends manna in the mornings and quail in the evenings. Wow. Once again, God provided for them on their way to where they were going. They wanted water...and Moses struck a rock and fresh drinking water comes out. God's presence never left them...a cloud by day and a fire by night. They were surrounded and protected as they continued to the place God was calling them.

This morning I read in chapter 17 about the battle between the Amalekites and the Israelites. The Amalekites came to fight them and Joshua led the battle. Moses went up onto a mountain and stood at the top with the staff that God had given him and as long as his staff was raised toward heaven, the Israelites were winning the battle. If he lowered his staff, they were losing. It even says how they had to put a rock under his arms because they got tired but Moses continued to raise his hands. The Israelites won the battle and I just love verses 15-16:
¹⁵ Moses built an altar and called it The LORD is my Banner. ¹⁶ He said, "For hands were lifted up to the throne of the LORD."
"The LORD is my Banner"...I've heard that phrase before but never really understood where it came from. I just love that Moses had to physically lift his hands up and that God responded with victory. It made me think about when we lift our hands in worship. We are saying, God give us victory! You are worthy to be praised!! God was with them through it all and knew the purpose that He had for them.

As I just thought through this whole story and all that God has been revealing to me lately through it, I'm just so thankful for a God who is constant and steadfast. I praised God the whole way to work this morning as I reflected on His character and how he revealed himself to Moses. What a joy to know that when God calls us to something, He leads the way. It may not be as big as leading 1,000,000 people through a desert, through a sea and into a new land, but whatever it is....He's the same God who desires to help us and teach us what to do.

sick...ugh

I'm laying in bed right now where I've been all day and will be all day tomorrow. I'm sicker than I've been in a long time and it sucks!! I tried toughing it out and working yesterday but I was absolutely miserable. The Spader girls were brought up to be tough girls who could take it and push through but today, I had enough. My body was screaming at me to stop and let it get better so I did just that. I hate having to put Mike and Wendy in that position of having to find a sitter last minute for Olivia and Will but I was absolutely worthless to them yesterday. My head pounded when I walked or even moved and my throat felt like I was swallowing swords. I gave in and went to the doctor today, something I haven't done in a LONG time. He put me on some antibiotics which will hopefully help me feel better.

So here I am...Wrigley and I are just chillin on the bed as I just finished watching my third chick flick for the day. He's been good today which is nice. I have mostly just ignored him and he's not been as crazy hyper as he usually is. I don't know how mom's do this when they have their own kids to take care of. I was struggling yesterday and am so thankful for a quiet house all day today. Pete came home around 3 to check on me which was really nice of him. I hate being sick but I love being taken care of by him. He's wonderful!

i'm on a roll....

So life has just been cruisin right along. We're finally in the swing of things here in Wichita and I'm feeling like I'm finding my place here. I'm enjoying my job (nannying) and growing to love Will and Olivia more and more each day. They bring me so much joy! I've got a great group of girlfriends that I meet with every Tuesday night. It's a "relaxed" Bible study in that sometimes we just talk and sometimes we do a study. We're starting "The Power of a Praying Wife" next and I'm really excited. I prayed for good girlfriends and the Lord has blessed me with them!

I've taken up a new hobby...cooking. I seriously love it! However, it's always a struggle to figure out what to cook because Pete is so picky and allergic to alot. Once I know what I'm making, I really enjoy putting it all together and making a nice meal. I just need to try and find really healthy, but good dishes.

It seems like everyone around here is having babies...or trying to at least. We talked last night for probably an hour about kids and getting pregnant and the life change that happens once you do. Between that, and nannying and being around "kid" things all the time, I'm not going to lie, it's putting a little bug in me. I want to say that I still want another year or two by ourselves, but I am now thinking I don't want to wait that long. I know life is going to change and I want to be ready for it when it comes so I don't want to rush anything...but it's like a dream of mine is finally able to become a reality at any time now. I'm just praying that God would put Pete and I on the same page and at the right time, we would get pregnant.

Anyways, Olivia didn't nap today and is now calling my name. I'm going to try and update more frequently....

so here i am

So here I sit, at the table of the Letter family. Watching A Goofy Movie and feeding Olivia and Will, the two kids I nanny for. I never thought I would be a nanny when I moved here. I guess I was just getting desperate for work and a job that paid well enough to help with our mortgage and bills. And so here I am. It's been a challenge and I have grown to love these two little kids. Seeing William just light up when I walk in to get him up in the morning or hearing Olivia say "I love you sooooo much Julie" just gives me great joy. They are sweet, sweet kids and I know that God has me here for a reason. I've been able to have some good conversations I suppose with Mike and Wendy, but my prayer this year is that I would have a clear chance to share the gospel with them. They are older parents and have lived their fair share of life. And now they have two young kids which I hope makes them think about life more deeply and they start to question things....for their kids sake.

I don't see myself here forever. I would still love to get back into some type of full time ministry. I often think about the job that I really wanted but didn't get - the one at Youth Horizons. That place seemed perfect for me and I think I would have really enjoyed it. I guess that's not what God wanted for me in this stage though. I have learned so much about kids being with Olivia and Will. I think it's God's way of preparing me for the next stage of life - kids of my own. Pete and I had a discussion the other night about what that's going to look like for our family. I didn't want to bring it up because of what he's told me before so it was him that started the conversation. I'll be honest and say that it kinda scares me. I've wanted my own kids my entire life. I remember for my 13th birthday wanting this doll so stinking bad because I wanted it to be my own baby to take care of. I worked in the babies at church and was so excited to take care of Christy when she was born. I remember being jealous when my best friend in 7th grade her mom had a baby. Then two years ago on Mother's Day I was just so ready to have kids of my own to take care of. There is just something about being a mom that attracts me, but at the same time is so scary. The fact that it could be real within the next few years is a new reality that I have to get used to. Which is why I really believe that God's preparing me by putting me in this home for my own family. I know that ministry will look different for me with kids, but I'm excited for that. I still want (and need) to be involved and do the ministry with Pete. That's one of my favorite things about being married and I don't want that to change when we have a family. God has called me to youth ministry and doing it with my husband is something I've always longed for and now am finally able to do! It's so much fun!!

Anyways, the kiddos are onto dessert so it's about time to start cleaning up and transitioning to the next thing....bottle and nap for William and learning activity then nap for Olivia. God's good and I trust that he'll make our family bigger when He knows we're ready for it.

i'm a mrs!!

My life has dramatically changed since I wrote last. I'm officially a Mrs.! :) The last month and a half has been a whirlwind. The end of August was my last day of work at church and from there my mom, dad, sister and even the dog packed up the moving truck and we carted my life down south to Wichita, Kansas. We bought a house and it was great to get moved in. That week and a half was such a blessing in that I was able to unpack and get my life semi-settled before the wedding. I appreciated that so much after we got home from our honeymoon. It was good to come "home" rather than just to a house. I flew home and the wedding craziness began.

That week before the wedding was crazy. I've always heard there are tons of last minute details ... they weren't kidding! It was emotional and exciting and exhausting! I think one of the emotional things I was dealing with was the expectations. My entire life I had dreamt about what my wedding would be like and the pressure to live up to those expectations was overwhelming. I wanted it all to be just like I had thought it would be and I was scared it wouldn't be. Now looking back, the whole experience was everything I had dreamed about and I am so pleased with how it all turned out. I prayed so much for that day and the Lord was just so present!

Our wedding day was amazing!! I had a bit of a breakdown right before I went to go see Pete before our pictures. My hair and makeup was done, my vail was on and my shoes and jewelry. The only thing left to put on was my dress. As I was putting it on, I was saying to myself "This is for real, this is for real..." It was surreal. I turned around and saw myself in the full length mirror as a "bride" and I broke. I couldn't even look at myself. There were so many things going through my head at that point. I had seen that picture....the bride in her wedding dress right before the wedding looking in the mirror....so many times....in movies, on tv, in magazines, everywhere. And now it was me, and it was for real. I was overwhelmed with emotion and greatfulness and excitement and unbelief that it was actually happening. I was going to meet my groom and it was actually my wedding day. For real. I cried really hard for much longer than I expected. God was faithful and my heart was so full of love for Pete. All I wanted was to see him and be comforted by him.

The rest of the day was wonderful!! Our ceremony was so fun and after I had my emotional breakdown....it was pure excitement!! haha...and if you were there, there's no way you wouldn't be able to tell I was excited! haha. I was basically leaping off the stage when Tim pronounced us husband and wife. God had made my heart so ready and finally it was time to be Pete's wife! Our reception was a blast. And besides the fact that the DJ ONLY played rap music (desite the specific list of songs I gave him!), everyone still danced and it was still so much fun!! We stayed till the end of the party and then left at like 10:30ish and were off for our wedding night at the Holiday Inn Express. :) It was especially fun when the fire alarm went off at 3:30 am and the entire hotel sat outside for 45 minutes in the middle of the night. It was okay though...we got half off the cost so it all worked out.

Whoever invented the honeymoon was a genius! It was exactly what I needed...just to relax and be consumed with my husband. Granted, the food was a little tiring (even though I love Mexican food) and I was ready for some good American food by the end of the week. We had a blast though and just enjoyed each other.

And now....here I sit....unemployed still. I'm to the point where I'm starting to get bored. I've watched my fair share of House Hunters and The View and I'm ready to get back into a routine and a schedule. I'm trusting that God has something for me, I'm just trying to do my part in actively searching for it while allowing Him to give me the opportunity to trust Him. Pete has been so good in helping me learn to listen to what God has for me. He is amazing as a husband and I'm so thankful that I have him. Over and over God has just confirmed that this is where He has me and for that I rest in confidence that He will provide me with a way to make the money to pay the bills. He gave us this house and He will not leave us hanging.

Life as a Mrs. is wonderful and I'm just excited for what is still to come. How fun to think that everything I do and everywhere I now go...will be with my husband. Thank you God once again for your faithfulness in bringing me the man I've waited patiently for. He is a blessing and I'm so thankful!!