ooooohhhh :(

I killed a squirrel yesterday on my way to church. So sad!! I almost started crying in the car as I looked in my rear view mirror and saw the little guy wiggling in the middle of the road.... (what? i'm pregnant and hormonal!!) :) I'm not a huge fan of squirrels but it's still sad to know that I killed one!!!

In tribute to my little dead squirrel friend....

My role??

I'm getting anxious for summer to get here. While I'm definitely thankful for the warmer weather in Wichita, I'm ready to have it be warm and stay warm. Wichita weather is sooooo strange....


Seriously....60's tomorrow and then a 30's and SNOW on Saturday?? What? I just don't understand. I guess I just have to endure the Saturday weather and get through it to get back to the 50/60's next week. :)
This weekend is the high school spring retreat. My role looks much different this time around being that I'm 36 weeks pregnant and can't stay on my feet for very long and get winded walking from one end of the room to the other. :) I think I'll go with them Friday night and come back and sleep at home and then go back again sometime on Saturday. I will miss being there the whole weekend and seeing what God has in store for this time away. Fall retreat was definitely a turning point for our ministry so I'm hoping that spring retreat is just a follow up for that.

I miss doing youth ministry full time. In an ideal world, I would be able to stay home with our baby and meet with girls in the afternoon and go in and help Pete with whatever needed to be done that week. I soooooo miss doing that. I was really challenged with what my role was and spent a lot of time thinking about it the past couple weeks. When I was at home and working full time at CCC, I had time to do a lot of discipling. Between HouseGroups and having the freedom in the afternoons to leave work or have girls come meet at church, or even hang with them at night or on the weekends, I was able to spend a lot more time investing in the relationships that I had built. At my wedding in this picture, each one of these students I had personally spent time with and invested in:


Youth ministry and discipleship was my life. I loved it!! Ministry looks sooooooo different now that I'm married and having a baby and not doing it full time. It's been a hard transition because I don't feel like I'm doing what I'm good at. As well as struggling with not having connected with the girls here to the extent that I really want to. I would love to have a group like this here in Wichita, but as I've been processing this the last couple weeks, I'm realizing that my role here looks really different.

In my small group we've been reading the book "Velvet Elvis" by Rob Bell and last week I was really challenged. He was talking about having to kill the "Superpastor" in you and I totally related with that. Putting to death the demands of what others (or yourself) feel like you have to be to be a good spiritual leader. I feel like there's part of me that has to be here what I was back home. The "superdiscipler" if that makes any sense. Involved in everything and the leader who connects with all the girls and has invested time and energy into their spiritual walk. If they are struggling, it's my responsibility to talk with them and point them in the right direction. And right now, I physically can't do that for all the girls. My responsibilities now are my husband and now my baby girl and theeeennnn the girls in the ministry. Allowing my mind to recognize this has been difficult and caused me to feel like I'm failing. I've been recently asking God to show me what HE wants my role to be and what that looks like. Even with this spring retreat coming up this weekend, it's really hard for me not to be there and be apart of everything. I feel like I'm missing out and not being there fully for the girls. But again....I just can't do it all and I know if I did all that I wanted to, I would wear myself out physically and I just can't afford to do that to my body at this point in the pregnancy. I have to take it easy.

Anyways, just some things that have been running through my mind lately. You'd think I would have figured it out sooner being that I've almost lived in Wichita for 2 years (in August) but it's been a process. And it will continue to be a process. I'm trusting God to provide and work out the details for what this next stage of life will look like. It's going to be completely new and nothing like I've never experienced before. It scares me to death, but I'm so ready and so excited for it!!!

Six weeks to go...

I can't believe that I only have six weeks to go until my due date. It has gone by so incredibly fast!! Before I know it our little girl will be here and we'll be adjusting to the new "normal" that comes with having kids. I can't wait! The closer it gets, the more and more excited I get to look her in the eyes and just stare at her. Pregnancy is already an incredible miracle in itself, but I just feel like it will intensify when I physically hold my little girl in my arms and we look each other in the eyes for the very first time. My heart already loves her so much and I just can't wait to meet this little bundle of joy that's been rolling around inside me for the past 8 months! We do have a name picked out...but we're keeping it a secret until after she's born. :) I am always so curious when other people do this but this time, I'm the one that knows so it's much more fun haha. I think it just makes the birth more exciting!!

When people ask me how I'm feeling...my response is "I'm feeling pregnant." I honestly can't complain as I've had a great pregnancy. No complications, she's growing perfectly, I haven't been sick or on bedrest. I am very thankful. But with that said, I am feeling extremely uncomfortable these days. I've decided that it's mostly because for most of my life, I've been healthy, active and able to do most things fairly easily. I rarely get sick and not feel myself so this "uncomfortableness" that I'm feeling 100% of the time now, is unfamiliar to me. I'm not used to not feeling good ALL the time so I'm just really ready to get back to my "normal" body (yes, I do know that I'll never be back to what it was before baby). I have been crrraaaavvvving a long run where I sweat and push myself. I walked the other day on our treadmill and was in pain all day so I've vetoed that. It just hurt my back and legs too much.

The main pregnancy symptoms I've been feeling is getting dizzy. People ask me what I crave and I say water because I drink more water now than I ever have before. For whatever reason my mouth goes dry, my neck gets really warm and I get light headed super easy. I hate it when it happens and there's been a few times when it's been really scary, like when I'm driving! Other than just being extra tired, not sleeping well and going to the bathroom much more frequently...it's not been bad. Like I said though, I'm definitely ready for my "normal" body to come back to me. :)

SHE's growing like a weed... :)

So I know I said I'd post right after we found out what we're having...but who am I kidding. I pretty much suck at this blogging thing, as much as I want to be consistent, I'm not. With that said, we're having a GIRL! :) I was SOOOOOO wrong because I was just absolutely convinced that it was a boy. When the lady told us it was a girl, I had her go back and check again because I didn't believe her and I needed to know that she was absolutely for certain. It took me a day or two to adjust and start thinking "she" in my mind instead of "he" but once I got used to the idea of having a little girl, I am just thrilled and can't wait!!

Once we found out what we were having, it was like I felt like I could finally start thinking specifically with the things we needed. So far I have the stroller, car seat, changing table/dresser, crib, glider, breast pump and my most recent purchase, a swing. I think I'm doing pretty well with staying on top of the purchasing. It's been spread out so we didn't have all the huge expenses at once. I think I'm good for now and will not buy anything else and see what I get at my showers. I have two showers scheduled and I'm thinking one more on top of that. Between all those people, I think we'll have everything we need and more to be efficient parents. :)

I'll be 26 weeks tomorrow and I'm definitely feeling this little girl moving all around these days. It's getting to be the point where it's more than just a kick or a punch here or there, I feel all of her shifting and moving quite frequently. It's the most amazing feeling ever!! My favorite is when I can put my hand on my stomach and feel her head (or butt?). It's just so incredible to me to think that our little baby is inside me. I just wish so bad I could see what she looks like inside me. I'm getting so anxious to meet her and see what she looks like. Here some of my favorite pictures from our sonogram. This is all I have to base her looks off of but I'm pretty sure she's going to be the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. :)

I love how in the second one she's trying to suck her thumb. It's super cute but I'm going to have to kick that habit really quick so we can do all we can to avoid the braces expense later on down the road. :)

We started to paint the nursery and get it all ready. Pete's done once again an incredible job painting and I'm getting excited to put everything all together and get it set up. He's putting the second coat on the changing table tomorrow and then we're going to clean the carpets and set it all up hopefully on Saturday. Here's a picture of what the walls look like. I just love it!!

It's crazy to think that it's just getting closer and closer. The reality of having a baby in our home is becoming more real. April will come sooner than I think. Our family is going to Florida for a vacation the first week of February and then I'm flying home again at the end of February for a shower so once that's over...it will almost be time!! We still haven't decided on a name. We have a list of about 8-10 that we're still "discussing" so hopefully we'll decide soon. Pete's most recent name for her is Corn Bread. Um yeah. Sometimes he says things that I just have no clue where he pulls them from. Needless to say our little girl will NOT be named Corn Bread. :) I think once we do decide we're going to keep it a secret until she's born. We don't have one picked out yet but it's already so hard to keep that a secret. I want to ask everyone's opinion's and see what they think. It will be fun to announce what her name is though when she's born so I'll just have to keep my mouth shut for a few more months. :)

I'll end this post with my latest belly picture. This was taken at 23 1/2 weeks.

Today is the day!

I've been waiting for today ever since I first found out I was pregant! We get to find out the sex of our baby!! I'm seriously SO excited!!! I can't wait to see him or her and finally be able to start planning accordingly. I was telling my mom this morning that it feels like I'm kinda going to be meeting our baby for the first time. I know we got to see him/her at 8 weeks, but today it's different for some reason. I don't know...maybe cause I'm further along or maybe cause we'll see more detail in the sonogram...I don't know, all I do know is that I'm just about half way (20 weeks on Friday) and I'm just so excited!! :)

As for names, we have one that we like for a boy but nothing picked out for a girl. I have such a strong feeling that we're having a boy, but who knows. Last night I had my third dream that it was a girl so whatever God blesses us with I will just be thankful!

Here is my most recent belly picture...this was taken at 18 weeks:

I'm definitely looking pregnant these days. It's getting harder and harder to sleep comfortably and put my socks on in the morning. :) From what I hear though, I'm in the "fun" pregnant stage. Where I'm not too big to be horribly uncomfortable, but at least I'm showing now and people know that I'm pregnant rather than just really full from lunch. :)

I'm still waiting to feel this little baby moving around! They say anytime now so sometimes I just lay on the bed and lightly push on my tummy to see if he/she will kick me. I'm wanting the kicks now...but I know that in a few months I'll be wanting the baby to stop it's kicking!! :)

Well, I'm drinking my water (which suppodesly makes things easier to see in the sonogram) and counting down the minutes until I get to leave. Yeah!! So soon... I can't wait to see this little baby growing inside of me that I already love so much!!! I'll post the sonogram pictures tomorrow......

17 weeks. 3 days.

Our baby is the size of a turnip this week.....

One of my favorite things has been getting the weekly updates every Friday as I "up" a week in my pregnancy. I love reading about the growth of our baby and what's new and changing. It's just incredible knowing how much they grow in such a short amount of time. If we continued growing at that pace, we'd all be monsters!! :)

I'm feeling pretty good these days. Definitely more energy than the first trimester. I feel like my belly just popped in the last week or so. You can tell I'm pregnant now which is a fun feeling! :) It's fun having all the high schoolers come up and talk to the baby and feel my stomach. Kinda weird at first, but now since there's actually something there to feel, it's kinda fun.

I've been hunting on craigslist for all the big ticket items that we're going to need. I found a great deal on a stroller this past weekend and picked it up on Friday afternoon. We got it for $125. Here's the one that we got:

I just love it. I set it up right when we got home and just get excited everytime I see it. :) I love thinking that I'll get to look at our baby's face when I'm pushing him/her. It's the first purchase so it just makes it feel more and more real.

Our second sonogram is schedule for two weeks from today. Actually two weeks from right now I'll be leaving to go to it!! Yippee!! Monday, November 23rd at 4 pm. I seriously can't wait to find out what we're having. I'm so convinced that it's a boy, but who knows. I guess it will just make it feel like I can start connecting even more with the baby after I find out. I honestly don't know how people do it by waiting until the end to find out. I can see how it'd be super exciting after the birth happens to find out, but I think it's just as exciting to find out now!! Then we can plan accordingly and get everything ready.

We had a bunch of friends over Friday night to cookout and have a bonfire outside and while all the guys sat out by the fire on our patio, us girls stayed inside and talked about babies the whole time! It's so fun that I actually feel apart of these conversations. For so long I was always the one on the outside of the "married" or "baby" talk when so many of my friends got married and pregnant before me, but finally I've caught up and I have things to contribute. I love it! :) I've been blessed so much with great friends here in Wichita. I'm so thankful for the girls that God's brought into my life and the friendships that I've developed over the last year. He's definitely answered that prayer!!

Well, Pete and I and some students are heading to Kansas City tonight for a spur of the moment trip to see the Desperation Tour. I'm kinda tired, but I figure I have to take these opportunities while I can considering in a few months we won't be able to do this. It should be fun and a great time I'm sure. I'll be taking some more preggo pics soon to keep track of my growing belly..... :)

My pregnancy so far.

I'm 13 weeks and 4 days into my pregnancy so far. Here's my little baby bump so far.

According to babycenter.com, he/she’s the size of a medium shrimp this week! J

It's still little but I’m definitely starting to feel my pants get a little snugger and fit a bit more tighter. In the mornings I feel fine and can fit into my clothes just fine, but after dinner, I don’t know what it is, but I tell Pete that I feel like someone has just blown air into my stomach…like a balloon. It’s not very comfortable and I can’t really sit or lay comfortably at all. I can only imagine that it’s going to get worse as my tummy grows. Luckily during my first trimester I didn’t have much morning sickness. The only thing was that I just felt really, really tired all the time. I didn’t feel like cooking, cleaning, taking Wrigley for a walk or anything. All I wanted was to lay around and be lazy. Now that I’m somewhat out of that first trimester, I’m definitely feeling better. I had a few bouts of nausea but again, not anything like I’ve heard some of my friends say where they are throwing up all the time. I always said it would take a lot to get me to follow through with the upset tummy and actually throw up. Thank the Lord I didn’t have it that bad!

I’ve had two doctors appointments and a sonogram appointment so far. The first doctor’s appointment was at about 8 ½ weeks and I was really nervous for that one. At that point, I knew I was pregnant, but I just wanted the doctor to confirm it. J Other than the two pregnancy tests and the way I was feeling, that’s all I had to go on just trusting that I really had a baby growing inside me. Once I went to the sonogram, that’s when it really became real to me. Pete came with me and I definitely cried when I saw our baby for the first time. Here are the shots that we got from that appointment:

It was such a surreal thing when I saw our baby moving around in my stomach! Even though it wasn’t super clear, you can definitely tell it has the form of a human being. I don’t know how anyone could ever say that it isn’t a life!! I just keep thanking God and am just blown away by His willingness to trust Pete and I to raise this little child up. What an honor!!

I’ve been praying so much for our little babe. Not only the forming process, but that God would just raise him/her up to do great things for the Kingdom. I’ve also been praying that God would just prepare Pete and I to be parents. That He would soften Pete’s heart towards being a dad and that when he holds our little baby in his arms for the very first time, that God would completely FLOOD his heart with love and compassion for our child. There is not a question in my mind as to whether Pete will be a good dad. He is going to do an incredible job leading our family and I just want to continue to learn how to affirm this in him. There’s not another man in the world that I would want to partner in this parenting thing with. I am beyond blessed to have him!!

As for what I’m feeling so far, I think there’s a part of me that’s scared for those first couple weeks. The weeks where all of a sudden we are responsible for this little life that is 100% fully dependent on us for his/her life. I’m scared that I’ll be a good mom and that I’ll make the right decisions with discipline. I’m scared that our kids will rebel when they get older and we’ll not know the best way to raise them to love the Lord wholeheartedly. The more I think about it, the more I realize how much parenting has an effect on who a person becomes and the way their life turns out. My hope and prayer is just that God would enable Pete and I to be the best possible parents that we can be and He would show us the wisdom that we need to parent right and lead our family to a close relationship with God. Aside from being a little scared, I’m just the opposite as well…so excited I can’t even contain myself! J There are moments when I just long to hold my baby and I can’t wait to rock them to sleep and stare at his/her face just knowing that that child represents Pete and I’s love for each other and that they are a part of who we are. I can’t wait till our baby says “Mommy” and “Daddy” and just runs up and throws their arms around our legs, I can’t wait for that little smile and to see Pete fall asleep with the baby on his chest.

The next year is going to bring so many changes and new adventures, just as this past year did. I want to be more consistent about blogging and writing out my pregnancy thoughts so I can read back on this process and see how God works. It’s going to go fast and I don’t want to forget any part of this amazing life forming process!!