My sweet baby #3

I'm sitting in Starbucks with a very rare, hour to myself.  Pete got home late from work and said I could go out and do whatever I wanted then pick Keira up from Cubbies.  I've got about 45 minutes and I've been wanting to update my blog with my sweet little Karsyn's birth story so I don't forget it!  My little sugar pie (what I've somehow knick named her??), is just beyond amazing!!  I was just looking and staring and talking and admiring her tonight and just blown away by how faithful God has been in giving me three healthy, beautiful babies.  My heart is absolutely full and over flowing!

Now with that said, the transition from 2 to 3 kids has been rough.  Most definitely harder than going from 1 to 2.  The whole pregnancy if I was honest was rough.  I wouldn't say the actual pregnancy was harder, it was more the situation and the circumstances we were in that made it tough.  We had just moved out to California but a lot of the transition and living situation and what God was doing in my heart made it very hard.  Probably the hardest time of my life so far.  I feel like it was Satan just attacking me and the 9+ months of pregnancy just made it even more emotionally hard to deal with.  My hormones were all over the place which made it just hard.  I was looking forward to not being pregnant more than anything!!  Kellen (as expected) has been the hard one.  He has always been a clingy, touchy, needy little boy and I knew it would be hard when the baby came along as Mommy wouldn't be able to just hold and snuggle him all the time.  I was right.  He has struggled with sharing me and to be honest, he has probably been the hardest one to deal with.  He gets pretty winey and clingy which is just hard when I know I have to feed Karsyn or she's crying and I have to tend to her first before I can just sit with him.  He's been acting up with Keira (or is this just him being 2 and growing into his "boy-ness"?) so that's been a new struggle to have to deal with and figure out how to handle.  I know it will pass (hopefully soon?) so I just keep praying for wisdom on how to handle him and the whole situation.

So there I was...39 weeks and 5 days pregnant.

 Because Lord knows that I carry full term babies so what made me think I'd come early?  I don't know.  I was hopeful, but no.  Let me back up....in August Pete got his job at San Diego Christian College.  One of the BIGGEST blessings in the midst of the crazy year.  That was an answer to prayers that had been lifted up for many, many months.  One of his main responsibilities when he was hired was to lead the campus move.  The entire college was moving from El Cajon to Santee and he was the lead on it.  He did incredible and worked his tail off.  But when was the move scheduled for??  Yes.  January 15th.  When was I due?  January 16th.  From the minute that the students were finished with finals in December until probably 2 weeks after Karsyn was born, he was working 60, 70, 80 hour weeks.  I was fortunate enough that he was at the birth of our baby, but it was still really hard.  But God knew and met our/my need.  The college needed a painter and so they flew Gary & Cyndi out for the 10 days prior to Karsyn's bday and Gary painted and Cyndi helped me at home.  That was the BIGGEST BLESSING EVER!  I was soooooo uncomfortable, not sleeping, hoping and hoping I would go into labor, could barely take care of Keira & Kellen so having Cyndi there to entertain them and clean and cook was absolutely amazing!  And they got a free trip out here to see their grand babies.  God knew.  And worked it out.  I was so, so thankful for them!

Tea parties outside with Grandma (while I rested inside!)

Pile up with Papa

So jump back to 39 weeks and 5 days pregnant.  Gary & Cyndi were leaving on Thursday the 16th and still no baby.  I was getting ready that morning and Pete came in the bathroom and said that if I could get induced tomorrow (the 15th) that would actually be a good day for him to not go into work.  I did NOT want to get induced.  I had to be induced with both kids already and just wanted it to happen on her own schedule.  But I also knew how, how sad Gary & Cyndi would be if they had been here for 10 days and no baby.  So I told Pete I'd at least call and see if it was an option.  Go figure, Dr. Gray called me right back and said she was going to be at the hospital the next day all day so it worked out perfect.  Come check in at 6:45 am.  So there it was.  Tomorrow was the day and Karsyn was going to have January 15th as her birthday!

We got all ready and had a little birthday party with Grandma and Papa for Karsyn that night, complete with amazing chocolate cake made by Cyndi. :)

 Went to bed for the last time with only 2 babies and woke up early to head to the hospital.

The day I met my babies (besides my wedding day) is hands down the best days of my life.  There is absolutely nothing in this world that compares to holding that baby you've been carrying in your arms for the first time.  All 3 times I bawled like a baby myself.

The process at the hospital was a slow one.

Pete working while we waited...complete with hoppy and all. :)

Don't mind that I look like a WHALE in this pic.  Still waiting for things to kick in.

Jamie was at the hospital all day along with Elyse & Shep.  Trying to keep them occupied!

They started the pitocin but I didn't start having regular contractions until after 1 pm.  I had gotten the epidural beforehand (so thankful for!) so I really didn't feel much of anything.  A little pain here or there, but besides that, all was good.  Until about 3 pm.  They thought that I would have definitely had Karsyn by lunch so the fact that it was taking much longer than anticipated, I was just getting anxious.  Around 3 or so I started feeling pretty weak.  My nose started to get really congested and then my left arm started going numb...along with my chest.  It was pretty scary.  They put me on oxygen and took the epidural out right away.  Somehow the numbing medicine had moved upward which is why I was feeling super weak.  My mom had arrived the day before and Jamie was there as well which I was grateful for but seeing them get worried was kinda scary as well.  Once the epidural wore off a bit I felt better, could breathe again but was still numb on the bottom for the birth.  This was around 5 pm now.  The nurse checked me and I was complete!  The best news all day!  However, I was still -2 (where the baby is at) so I could push if I wanted to, but she kept sliding back up.  I "labored down" for an hour and then started pushing at 6 pm.  Unfortunately my doctor was off at 6 so she didn't get to deliver Karsyn, but I was thankful that she was there throughout the day checking on me.  I pushed for an hour with my mom and sister and Pete there to coach me.  It was extremely helpful having my mom there as she knew exactly what to say that helped me focus and push my little heart out.

7:01 pm Karsyn Faith Goodman was born.  A very, very healthy 8 lbs 15 oz.  The exact same weight as Keira was.  And she looked like her TWIN!  Two days prior we had decided to change her middle name (it was going to be Ann) because of the journey we had been on throughout my entire pregnancy with her.  I am so glad we did as I absolutely love her name and the significance of it!

I bawled like a baby when she came out and once again just absolutely in awe of the miracle of life.  It was so fun having the kids meet her for the first time.  For so long we had been telling them baby Karsyn was in mommy's tummy so when they actually saw her in person, they didn't know what to think.  Keira especially because you could tell she was just processing what had happened and didn't know what to make of it.  :)

It was such a different experience with family this time around because almost everyone was there! (we were missing my dad and Christy but that's it!)  With Keira and Kellen it was literally just Pete & I so having all my family there was just amazing!

When I delivered her, I didn't deliver the placenta.  I didn't think anything of it because I was enamored with my daughter but I do remember the doctor having to go inside me and retrieve it.  Again, I didn't think anything about it because I was completely captivated by my new girl in my arms.  Later on though, I realized this was a serious issue that cause significant complications.  I'll get to that in a minute.

My recovery was decent...typical of normal, afterbirth recovery.  I was sore for a couple days but back to normal within a week or so.  I was so, so, so anxious for this and to not be pregnant and feel myself again!!  After being uncomfortable for so long, I longed just to have my body back!!  All was good...didn't have anything to worry about.

Karsyn definitely was a rough sleeper for the first couple weeks (and still isn't the greatest).  She was continually up almost every hour and a half to two hours eating so I didn't sleep much at all those first few weeks (still not getting a ton of sleep though).  But besides eating a lot and not sleeping for long periods of time, she is a good baby.  When she was 2 weeks old she caught Kellen's cold.  I knew it was bound to happen but was just crossing my fingers it wouldn't...but it did.  There is nothing worse than knowing your baby is struggling and there's nothing you can do to help.  I suctioned her nose, put the humidifier on, tilted her bed...everything I could think of to help clear it up.  I finally called the doctor because she was just struggling and I was worried she wasn't getting enough oxygen since it was much deeper than I could get.  Her cough was just horrible and you'd think she was dying every time she tried to cough up the mucus in her throat.  :(  I took her in and they cleaned her out and listened to her and ultimately just said I just needed to "love her through it".  So I did.  And she got better.

Then it was my turn.  When Karsyn was a week old, I had passed a clot (too much info?) not too big but asked my mom about it and she just said if it happens again to call the doctor.  It didn't happen again so I didn't think anything about it.  Bleeding is normal after you have a vaginal birth so I didn't think anything was wrong.  Not exactly.  On February 11th I woke up suddenly at 5 am to me gushing blood...a whole heck a lot of it.  Absolutely one of the scariest things to experience in my life.  Jamie came over to watch the kids (never been so thankful that we live so close!!) and Pete took me to the ER right away.  We got there and they assessed me and determined that I had retained placenta.  This is where some of your placenta is still in your uterus and the bleeding is caused by it trying to get it out.  This is dangerous in the sense that it can cause serious infection if the placenta is still left in there so there's a big need to get it all out.  After the ultrasound, the doctor determined that there wasn't enough left to do a D&C (the same surgery that they do after you have a miscarriage or (ugh) an abortion - go in an physically clean out your uterus).  They gave me antibiotics and sent me home by 10 am.  I was thankful that I didn't have to stay longer and was hoping it was just a one time deal.  Not so much.

I picked up my antibiotics and the next day seemed fine.  It was a scare but was just thankful it was over.  Well, it wasn't.  That night (Wednesday), after my small group, everything was normal and I was laying in bed around 10 pm and it happened again.  But worse.  I was standing in the shower just gushing blood and clots (again too much info? sorry) and crying absolutely scared to death of what was happening to me.  I seriously thought I might be dying.  I was losing a LOT of blood.  We called Jamie again and she came over to be with the kids.  Seriously, it makes me almost cry how thankful I was to have her close in this situation.  Having a brand new baby I didn't want to leave her in just anyones hands for the night, or day, or any amount of time.  Knowing my sister was there put my heart at rest so I could focus on what was going on with my body.

We went this time straight to Mary Birch (the baby hospital) because I figured I was going to have to have a D&C so it would be better to already be there rather than have to be transferred.  They checked me in and I laid in triage for almost 3 hours.  THREE HOURS!  Bleeding.  Continuously!  I was soooooo frustrated!!  I wanted to trust they knew what they were doing but it was hard for me to do that knowing how much blood I was still losing and no one was doing anything!  It finally took me passing out and my blood pressure going way down and needing oxygen for them to rush me up to the OR.  They prepped me for surgery and I just remember tears streaming down my face as I said bye to Pete.  Scared and not having any idea what was going on with me.  I knew one thing.  I just wanted the bleeding to stop as it was still happening during this whole process.

I had the surgery around 3 am and afterwards was back in the recovery room.  My blood pressure was still not going back up after about 2 hours so they had to give me a blood transfusion because I had lost so much earlier.  I am glad that they did, but was so frustrated because I knew that if they had done something earlier when I sat in the triage room just losing tons of blood, I probably wouldn't have had to have this.  Anyways, they did it and once it was finished my blood pressure went back up.  Around 7 am they moved me down to the recovery room and just told me to rest.  I had to stay until Friday morning so they could make sure everything was okay.  Mind you, every 3 hours I am having to pump since I am nursing Karsyn.  Awesome! (sense the sarcasm) Thank the Lord I had pumped a ton when she was first born so I had plenty of milk for her to be at home for 3 days without me.  Again, God knew.

Friday morning came (Happy Valentines Day to us!) and I was released.

 I was weak but feeling like I was finally going to be on the mend.  My aunt came down from LA that day to stay with me and help with the kids.  Once again, so, so thankful for everyone's willingness to help out.  I was so blessed by that in the midst of all this.  God had even worked it out where we were still getting meals two weeks after this happened so again, we were taken care of.  So thankful!!  Things are completely fine now and I'm doing much better.  It was a scary thing that happened but so glad that it wasn't anything worse.

So here we are, my baby is 8 weeks old (yesterday) and we are all home and well (well kinda...the big kids have been sick - puking and diarrhea this week!)  I told Pete I feel like we just have a "sick demon" in our house that keeps the germs coming and we just can't get better.  About 1.5 weeks after my incident, I had to take Karsyn to the ER because she had caught another cough/cold and had a 101.8 fever and was really struggling to breathe.  When I called the doctor they told me to bring her in (of course it was a Sunday...I feel like everything always happens on the weekend!) because they might have to do blood work since she's so little and her fever was so high.  She was fine but it was still scary as I drove my baby to the hospital!

It's funny because after all of this, the hard pregnancy (and my despise of being pregnant!), the bleeding, the surgery, the hospital, the ER, the scares, the sleepless nights...you'd think I'd say I'm done having kids.  Actually kinda the opposite.  Having my third just makes me more anxious to have our fourth.  We want 4 kids so we'll have one more after this.  While I in no way look forward to being pregnant again, I do look forward to meeting and knowing that 4th and final member of our family.  It's funny because I've seen a few of my friends lately have their 4th baby and I get so excited for that moment when I know our family is complete.  This is who we'll spend the rest of our days with.  These are the kids that we'll grow old taking care of.  This is what our family will look like.  Right now, I definitely don't want to rush just having 3 kids but there is definitely a longing in my heart knowing that "our quiver isn't full" yet.  There is still another member of our family that I haven't met yet and it's that whole anxiousness and best excitement ever to meet and know that last child.  Until then though, I want to soak in Karsyn Faith and enjoy her newborn moments.  Aren't they only considered newborns until 3 months??  So that means that I only have a month left of these days.  She's already changed so much and getting so much bigger (as in I've already had to retire some baby clothes!).  It really is amazing how they say your heart just grows in capacity to love with the more kids you have.  You think you could never love your 2nd baby as you did your 1st and so on, but it is just the opposite.  You're just given an entire new capacity to love with each child.  I am absolutely LOVING this stage of life and know that I was meant to do this.  My heart is completely captivated by my babes and it just keeps getting better!!!!!

It's a......!

GIRL!!!!

Sooooooo excited to have yet another sweet little baby girl in our family!  If you asked me what I wanted this time around I would have said girl so when the doctor said "You're having a girl!" I couldn't have been more thrilled!  As I thought more about this yesterday it made me even more excited to have another daughter.  One thing my mom said when I was pregnant with Keira and is something I hadn't really thought of is that daughters hang onto their relationship with their mom for life.  Yes, that's there with your son's as well, but they grow up and have their own families and it's just different and not as close (not always, but typical).  While I hope to always be super involved with Kellen's life and have a close relationship with him, I know it will be different with my two girls.  I'll get to do the wedding thing twice, and the prom thing twice, and then help them take care of them when they have THEIR babies!  This just thrills me knowing that I get to get all Keira's old baby clothes and use them again!!!!! (well, the ones she didn't puke all over and ruin with her insane amount of spit up)

So excited to see more of what our family will look like.  I have two girls and a boy!  I couldn't be more thrilled!!  Thank you Jesus!!!!!!!

The specifics

So it's 4:30 am and I'm up yet again with pregnancy insomnia.  Yes! I'm pregnant again.  SOOOOO excited!  :)  I'm 10 weeks and have my first sonogram tomorrow which I am so, so, so anticipating.  As I was just laying in bed (attempting to get back to sleep), I was thinking about how sweet this pregnancy is.  With Keira everything was brand new.  I had no clue what parenting would be like, what being a mom would be like, what having a baby would be like...nothing.  I knew nothing of the other side of the womb.  With Kellen it was even better because I had gotten a glimpse of how much I loved Keira and how much I loved being a mom.  Knowing that more of that was coming (with a boy now!) was so exciting!  Now with this one, it's different.  Keira is 3, Kellen is 19 months...I'm in the full trenches of parenting and I am completely and utterly smitten by my two babies.  I was made to be a mom and knowing that more of that is coming just makes it all the more precious to me.  I think that's why I am so excited to see our baby tomorrow (today) morning because it is the first time I will lay eyes on a person that I will love with my life.  The first time I will see the little body that I will kiss and hug and tickle and play with and once again, be completely and utterly smitten with!  The anticipation of who this next baby will be (boy or girl?) is so huge this time around and I absolutely love it!!!  My cup is filled and overflowing with love for my THREE babies and I get to "meet" the 3rd one for the first time tomorrow morning.  AY so exciting!!  :)

There are so many things I've been meaning to write down lately so as I was laying there in bed having already been awake for an hour and a half and no sight of sleep anytime soon, I figured I might as well get up and unleash my thoughts.  I've been wanting to write down the little things that I love about Keira and Kellen and the little specific things they do that make me smile.  I don't want to forget these things which is why I want to write them down.  So for my memory's sake and for when I read back on this years from now and miss these moments....

Keira...
* I love how every night before bed the last thing you say to us is "Where should we go now?"
* I love how you take the absolute biggest bites (despite my telling you not to) of food sometimes and stuff as much as you can in your mouth! haha
* I love how you can recite your verses and know them so well
* I love how after your nap you just want to sit on my lap and hug me for a long time
* I love how you are so content to play in your room during your "nap" time
* I love how you hate wearing a pony tail but want to wear "clippys" all the time
* I love your "on purpose" smile
* I love that you love "my eesy" (cousin Elyse) and "baby Shepherd"
* I love that you make sure to thank God for our food after every time we pray
* I love how you sing Jesus Loves Me and Behold Behold and The BIBLE and your ABC's
* I love how you have to take your Baby Ladybug every. where. we. go.  :)
* I love how you strap her in the back seat of the van with her blankie
* I love how you take care of your babies and carry them around in the carseat and wrap them in their blankets
* I love how at bedtime you have to have Minnie on your right side, Baby Cora on your right and Baby Ladybug in her pack n' play next to your bed, both your fans on, your nightlight and your "maker" (noisemaker) on
* I love when you sing to your babies to put them to sleep and tell me to be quiet
* I love how you lay in the tub and just relax...your face above the water and you just lay there :)
* I love how you love your "peanut butter tortillas" at lunchtime
* I love how you love to have dance parties in the family room to Pandora and clear off the entire carpet to clear your dance space
* I love how you ask for a "wash-a-col" after meals to wash your hands with
* I (love) how you will not eat meat?! (not really)
* I absolutely love when you tell me that you just want to snuggle with mommy on the couch!!
* How when I say "I love you Keira", you respond in the sweetest way possible, "I love you too Mommy."
* I love how when I ask you if you had any dreams when you were sleeping, every single time you say "Eesy was a monkey."

Kellen...
* I love how when you make a "funny face" it's basically a big cheesy grin
* I love how you snuggle on mama's shoulder before bedtime and have to have all 3 of your woof woof's and your blankie snuggled with you
* I love how you chase after your sister laughing with delight
* I love you how put yourself in time out then 2 seconds later laugh historically (not funny when you really are being punished!) :)
* I love how you love your woofies and squeal in delight when you see a doggie in a book or in person
* I love how you love to read your books
* I love how when we pray you thank God for "dada, mama, "iss" (sissy), and baby"
* I love how you march, march, march
* I love how you love to dance...aka spin for you...with your sister
* I love how you love your mama
* I love how when you sit or every time when you eat you cross your feet
* I love how you get so excited when dada comes home
* I love how you've just learned what it is to "boomp" (fart :)) and try to push it out, then laugh histarically!  Typical boy!!
* I love how you get SO excited when Daddy gets home from work!

The California Life!

Oh life is good!  We have made it HOME!  Yes, San Diego (well Lakeside), CA is HOME now and my heart is finally at peace and at rest.  I have my "nest" back and I can't tell you how good it feels to finally be here.  While it was great and wonderful spending time with my parents and Pete's parents, having our little family back to normal and making my own dinners and spending the days with my kids at the park and doing laundry and the normal day in and day out stuff has never been so welcomed!  We are home!  Can I say it again haha!  We are home!!

California is beyond beautiful and I am just loving it so far.  The weather (as everyone always says) is just gorgeous.  Christy was out here this past week and it was just perfect every single day.  This will never get old and it just does something to my spirit when I walk outside and it's perfectly sunny and 70 degrees.  I'm convinced I was made for California weather!  :)  Not to mention the beauty of the mountains that are everywhere!  Absolutely gorgeous!!  There have been times I'm just driving and have to snap myself back into driving mode because I'm just in awe of the scenery.  Seriously.  So beautiful.  How did I get lucky enough to live here?  Wow.  Love it!

The kiddies are adjusting very well and just love having their cousins so close.  Keira and Elyse are just too cute together and play so well which we are so thankful for.  Kellen is all over the place and already is that little brother who follows the girls around wanting so bad to keep up with them!  Shep just has to start walking so Kellen has a little buddy to hang out with.  God definitely knew what he was doing with our kids giving them each a playmate!  So thankful for that!!

Lately I have just found so much joy in my kids.  I don't know if it's just being their "mommy" again (rather than the daughter role at my parents) or if they are just at an age that is bringing about a new stage or what it is, but daily, I just laugh at them and my heart just wells up and I am so filled with love for them.  Keira has just the sweetest spirit in her.  She just absolutely loves her babies and taking care of them and she feeds them and changes their "big stinky poopy diapers" and rocks them and sings Jesus Loves Me to them all the time.  It is so, so sweet.  She is so polite (most of the time) and does a great job at remembering to say please and thank you.  She's fairly obedient and it doesn't take much to look into her eyes and tell her when she's made a bad choice and to see her heart through her eyes as she says she's sorry.  She has such a soft and tender heart and I'm just so drawn to it!  We've been working on our verses and she's got about 4 down pretty well.  I love hearing her say Scripture and watching her learn what it means.  When she does get disciplined we always reference back to one of her verses which has been cool to see her start to make the connections of what it means.  My prayer for her since day 1 (literally since she was in the womb) has been that she would have a kind and gentle heart and I just so see God answering that prayer.  I pray that she would have a sweet spirit and a love for people.  That she would be that girl at school that everyone just loves because she always has kind words to say and reaches out to those who may not feel loved.  I can't believe that she will be 3 in 1 month (from today!).  The past 3 years have gone so fast and I am just so blessed with this sweet girl!!

Kellen James is just a mama's boy to the core.  That little guy could melt me to the floor with his lovies and kisses and his giggles.  It's amazing to see the differences in not just the boy/girl thing, but just in his personality and his spirit.  He is definitely all boy which is so fun to watch.  He grunts and vrooms his cars around the floor.  He climbs on EVERYTHING and has no fear!  If it's elevated, he wants on top of it.  I have to watch him constantly!  He loves playing catch and when we run to get him and tickle him.  He is definitely much more clingy than Keira ever was which has sometimes been hard.  They have to call me out of church frequently to come get him because he's crying.  :(  That separation anxiety has kicked in and he loves his mama!  I love having a mama's boy, but there are times when I just want to make dinner without having to hold a 15 month boy as well.  :)  It's exhausting at times, but I'm okay with it.  I know it's just a stage so I will take it and enjoy it because that is where he's at right now.  He won't always want me to hold him all the time.  :)  I soak every minute up with him that I can get!  My prayer for my boy since day 1 has been that he will grow to be a man full of wisdom and integrity, courage and boldness.  That my little guy would have the strength to obey God rather than man and that he would lead and lead well.  That people would long to follow him because of his character.  That they would be drawn to him because he makes right choices.  I pray that he would have a love for God's Word and Spirit and a love for people.  Oh how I want great things for my boy!

We're starting to think #3 pretty soon here which is exciting and crazy all at the same time.  I've been ready for awhile now and we just had to get moved and settled before we even entertained that idea.  Now we're here and the thought is very prevalent on my mind!  :)  Three kids.  Wow.  I was telling a friend yesterday that that's like a family haha.  1 kid is just getting started...you're new at the parenting thing.  2 kids is getting there.  Then 3 is a family haha!  Most people have 3 and are done.  Which in our case, I can't even imagine being done after this next one.  I've had my heart set on 4 kids from the beginning so I'm halfway there.  :)  I think just the thought of knowing and loving another baby is so exciting for me!  Not knowing who they are right now, but knowing that there are 2 more family members for our family is so fun to think about!  I'm so anxious to see them and know them and love them and be their mommy!!  I could just keep going haha...knowing that we can keep making more!  :)

Anyways...that's an update on life lately.  I like writing updates every so often so I can go back and read them.  More for myself than anything else.  :)  An online journal without all the personal stuff that goes in my real journal.  :)

A scary prayer

"The angel went to her and said, 'Greetings, you who are highly favored!  The Lord is with you.'" (Luke 1:28)

"'Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God.'" (Luke 1:30)

I prayed a prayer this morning that quite honestly I mean with all my heart, but I'm terrified as to what it  will mean for my life.  The pastor at Southeast on Sunday spoke on Mary in Luke 1.  And while she has always been someone who interests me, I feel like it hit home more than normal this time around because of the fact that we are similar in that we are both moms.  God chose HER to be Jesus' mom.  Wow.  What an honor.  He spoke on what was it that made God choose her?  One of the things he highlighted was that she was a humble person and identified herself as a servant.

I long for God's favor on my life so much.   I want him to see me and be pleased.  I want to live a life that would make him want to choose ME to be his son's mother.  Wow.  I can't even fathom what an honor that would be.  And Mary's response was that she was his servant.  That was her identity, what she labeled herself as.

"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. (Luke 1:38)

The prayer I prayed this morning scares me but excites me to see how God will answer.  I asked God to work in my life on the things that made him choose Mary.  The reasons why he chose HER over the thousands of other women, I want God to make me more like him in those areas.  The two that stick out right now are humility and servanthood, but other than that...I have no clue what those areas will be.

The thought of how this will be played out is scary, but exciting.  Over the next few months as I sense God working in my life in certain areas, I will know that those are the things that made him choose her!  It's like as God answers my prayer, he'll be letting me in on his heart...the what and why he chose Mary to be the mother of Jesus.  Oh God I long for that!!  I long for you to see my life and want ME to be apart of a story that is eternal.  I give you permission to change my heart, to mold me into a person you would CHOOSE to be your Son's "mommy".

We are about to embark on a crazy, life changing adventure out in California, where I have absolutely no clue what life will hold or look like.  Our world is about to get completely turned upside down.  I'm crazy excited, but also crazy scared.  I have a feeling that what I prayed this morning will come out through these changes.  It's been quite a journey so far, but the fun has not even started yet!  Makes me excited for the lessons that are on their way.  :)

"Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!"  (Luke 1:45)

11 months

So this time 11 months ago exactly I was snuggling my newborn baby boy and completely in awe of the great blessing God had just blessed our family with!  Life was fully ahead of him and so much to come for this little boy.  Kellen James you are a JOY and a BLESSING and my prayer for you is that you would grow in wisdom and have courage and boldness to lead others to the saving knowledge of Christ.  May you be an ambassador of Christ who proclaims his name to many!!

I can't imagine life without this little guy!!

summer lovin

And so our journey continues.  It's been about a month here in Kentucky and we are feeling settled and into our routine.  Thankfully my parents have a great set up where we have the entire upstairs (3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms and a living area).  We have our own space and it's been great.  I love having my mom and dad around all the time and it's been awhile since we've spent this much time together!  With that said....I'm also itching to get out to California.  My sister flew out with Elyse a week ago and has been telling us how the whole moving process is going.  It's hard, but they are getting there, and will be settled very soon.

I've always known this but it's just being reiterated right now...I love change, but hate transition.  I like knowing that things are where they are going to be and I can invest in where I'm at.  Right now I feel like we're just "floating" here in KY so it's hard for me to put effort into doing things well, because I know that we'll be leaving soon.  I can't let myself think that way because I don't want to waste this time.  I have these thoughts in my head that this time is in a sense wasted time not being established....but I can't and don't want to think that way.  I want to take advantage of this time and use it to the greatest ability.  Pete has been gone for almost 2 weeks (which has absolutely SUCKED!) but a good thing is that I've been able to spend almost every night working on things in my business that I haven't had time for before.  I've gotten more organized and followed up with a ton of people and done things that I don't think I would have done had he been home.

The kids have been great.  I just had Kellen's 9 month check up today and he's in the 21st percentile for weight and the 2nd percentile for height!!  GAhhhh!  haha.  Keira on the other hand is in the 92nd for weight and the 96th for height!!!  Keira is going to tower over Kellen!!!  We'll see how it turns out but it's just funny to think about.  I love those little kids with every ounce of my being!!

Kellen turned 9 months old yesterday and is just a little HAM!  He is the sweetest thing ever.  If he's watching you and you give him a smile or say something to him, he'll smile a big huge smile back and then tilt his head to the side in like a little bashful way.  It is the sweetest thing ever!  The best is when he does it and just cuddles into me.  Melts my heart to the ground!!  He is a ridiculously picky eater which is frustrating but yet kinda funny (I'm sure won't be funny once he's older....takes after his daddy!).  He WILL not eat something if he doesn't like it.  Mouth closed and face turned away.  I've discovered he likes pasta so if I can get a noodle in his mouth I can cover it with the good stuff (broccoli, cauliflower, squash, etc.) and he'll eat it....but give it to him plain, it's a no go.  I have to get creative because Keira has always been a good eater.  I absolutely love, love, love having a little boy and he has completely stolen my heart and better be a mama's boy till the day he dies.  He's got his daddy's head, forehead, hairline, ears and lips and then my eyes and nose.  Just thinking about him makes my heart warm.  We're blessed with an amazing little guy!  My prayer for him is he would grow to be a leader who leads people to Jesus with wisdom, boldness and courage.

Keira is on her way to 2 1/2 and is definitely in the "2's" phase.  I am so head over heals for that girl.  When she looks at me and just grins or says "Jesus book" "Jesus book" "Jesus book" or dances around the room or gives Kellen kisses and hugs or sings a song in her carseat....I am so smitten for my little girl!!  It is so much fun now that she's talking more and has her own personality.  She loves her daddy and is most definitely a "daddy's girl".  She loves to dance, take walks, go to the park, go down the slides, read books, kiss and hug "bubba boy" (as she calls Kellen!)....she's a busy bee but just so. much. fun.  I seriously don't want her to grow up and just stay this innocent and sweet forever!